Every so often I have to remind my nervous system that whistling indoors is not a capital offense punishable by death
#butisntitthough
18.12.2025 00:20
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Every so often I have to remind my nervous system that whistling indoors is not a capital offense punishable by death
#butisntitthough
Let us give thanks to whoever invented the lay-flat option on a potato masher
The most successful coat drive is the lost and found of every middle school.
It’s here!!!! Episode one out now!
Find us on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/t...
open.spotify.com/episode/61kY...
We did a thing! I’m so excited for you guys to follow along on my journey of discovery, watching TNG for the first time. #startrek #tng #iloveyoulavar
DMV workers get an unfair rep. There is no chance I would be half as polite and upbeat when dealing all day with the dumbest people alive.
I’m not even pretending to be nonchalant anymore. Full throttle chalanting from here on out
Please take a moment out of your day to marvel at the elegance, agility and effortless natural grace of the penguin.
Why is my 8yo hitting me with phrases like “you awoke me from my slumber”
Like ok Victorian wastrel. Get ready for school though.
It’s official, the human boy child I made with my own body wears the same shoe size as me now.
Why do people hate to say “I told you so?” It’s the best. I was correct and now we BOTH know??? Inject that into my veins
Me trying to flirt: soooo how bout those horrors huh?
New resolution just dropped: more languishing in my horrors this 2025
Raise your hand if you feel personally victimized by todays NYT Connections 🙋🏻♀️
No one writes stories anymore about selling your hair to buy Christmas presents. We used to be a proper country.
Recharging after mucho crime
Dude on the Chargers making field goals is named Dicker? Dicker the Kicker????
Perfection. No notes.
Who needs a weighted blanket when you have a warm kitty purring on your chest?
According to my 8 year old, “rawdogging” is when your feet touch things without protection.
😳
Destiny’s child is playing over the speakers, an episode of Friends is soundlessly playing on the TV. I’m partying at this dentist office like it’s 1999
Have kids, so you can ask the hard hitting questions like "why does the toilet paper have a hat?"
This is exactly how Frodo felt when they chopped down the Party tree
What a day of rejoicing that will beeeeeeeeeee
What a pity there is no method for my kids to close the toothpaste after using it. Just NO WAY (besides putting the cap back on). It is completely IMPOSSIBLE.
Just a fuzzy little baby
And they should keep doing it
I asked a potential date if he was into Lord of the Rings and he said no, but would be willing to watch the movies as a sign of his interest in me. Like no dude…
If you aren’t reading the Simarillion for me, I don’t want it.
I get now why the 17-24 year old protagonist must rise up to fight the Dark Lord. I’m old and tired and my bedtime is 9:30pm.
St. Louis!!!
