$lamtonio

what's a band you love that's the dismemberment plan? mine is the dismemberment plan

An erotic short story in three acts

Clenched fist with the thumb poking out of the fingers, a la “got your nose”

This is what they took from you

I've only watched X-Files, but I'd argue even though we see the government and police as corrupt on the show, the structure of having the "heroes," or who we have hope to address that evil, be people working in it reinforces faith in the systems, so is still copaganda. "they can police themselves"

I've been on fire very few times for how many adults wanted to make sure I knew stop drop and roll

Remember this cop got a $38K workers comp payout due to the mental trauma of people pointing out he was a piece of shit.

Men will fight for six and a half minutes in an alleyway rather than try on their drifter friend’s sunglasses.

That's what I call a timeout

worm: *tells a joke*
early bird: lol

"breakfast foods" is just one more way they try to control us

[sees a big grinding machine crushing everything in its path] but why arent women and minorities allowed to pilot the grinder

Thanks to the woke left my wife is now cheating on me with the milkwoman!!!

This might be controversial but fuck it: mo money LESS problems

Is that not a riff on the older Gandalf Big Naturals?

By the commutative property, an octopus also has ten eightacles

The cover of How to Win at Super Mario Bros. Games by Jeff Rovin.

A prose description of the opening of World 1-1 in Super Mario Bros.

This book is bonkers. It includes prose walkthroughs of every level in the first three Super Mario games (plus Super Mario Land) with no screenshots whatsoever.

Imagine getting to, like, World 7-3 and having to come up with a fresh new way of writing "jump over the pipe."

that don't impreg me much

Grandma got run over by a reindeer HAS TO BE the best Christmas song about violence against woman

i’m not a smoker but sometimes i kinda want a cigarette, or for an asteroid to crash into the earth

Remember, kids, if Santa asks you whether you’ve been naughty or nice this year, you should always say, “Am I being detained?”

this is exactly why i still buy discs in 2023. it's crazy to think that we are reaching a point where piracy will be the only option to own media once dvds and blu-rays are gone.

It's problematic when characters are rude to each other in movies