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Ryan Kallberg

@absinthetics

here exclusively to post bad takes on DAS BOOT formerly: The Onion, the reality TV industry, the poker tables, the bottom of a black hole

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Latest posts by Ryan Kallberg @absinthetics

If any court pretends that either the Constitution of 1787 still exists or that the Trump dictatorship is constitutional, erase that court by legislative action. Including the Supreme Court, which Congress has the power to do.

10.03.2026 03:59 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

Post your favorite Lord of the Rings character. Wrong answers only.

09.03.2026 18:25 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
Preview
a man in a blue sweater stands next to a woman in a green sweater holding a bottle of wine ALT: a man in a blue sweater stands next to a woman in a green sweater holding a bottle of wine
09.03.2026 15:11 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

i’d go so far as to say bernie’s and warren’s proposals aren’t harsh enough. just take anything at or above a billion

don’t care about the revenue. light it on fire for all i care. it’s erasing political power and putting people in their place that matters

09.03.2026 14:08 πŸ‘ 361 πŸ” 55 πŸ’¬ 9 πŸ“Œ 1

I could have failed to answer your question after only half an hour!

09.03.2026 14:09 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

Gas jumped 23 cents while I was getting a burrito, if you’re wondering how aggressive the repricing is getting.

09.03.2026 13:49 πŸ‘ 45 πŸ” 8 πŸ’¬ 5 πŸ“Œ 0

I think it should be spring ahead, fall ahead. Just keep moving the clocks forward. Fuck your circadian rhythm, I want simplicity.

08.03.2026 04:32 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

"I don't want to have to explain to my kids what gay people are" is ridiculous. You have to explain everything to them! They've never seen anything before! What else are you doing this about? You don't like broccoli so you just refuse to ever let your child know about what broccoli is? Okay man

08.03.2026 01:52 πŸ‘ 1846 πŸ” 453 πŸ’¬ 9 πŸ“Œ 13
An iMessage exchange:

β€œLittle brawl between the spuds and the hornets”

β€œI dunno who the Hornets are but I instinctively hate them”

β€œEdina”

β€œWell now I hate them with cause”

An iMessage exchange: β€œLittle brawl between the spuds and the hornets” β€œI dunno who the Hornets are but I instinctively hate them” β€œEdina” β€œWell now I hate them with cause”

#IYKYK

07.03.2026 06:24 πŸ‘ 5 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

I can’t tell if this is a personality test or an invitation to a fistfight.

06.03.2026 21:46 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

And Ron Glass is ACTUALLY dead.

06.03.2026 19:34 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

Isn’t this coming from someone who voluntarily consumes Pepsi?

05.03.2026 03:32 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

If you can provide $3k checks for the entire middle class of America by taxing 900 people a little more, not only should you do it, but you should take it as a signal that your monetary system is broken

04.03.2026 19:32 πŸ‘ 3223 πŸ” 986 πŸ’¬ 26 πŸ“Œ 7

I treated myself to a shamrock shake because *gestures vaguely*

05.03.2026 03:26 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 2 πŸ“Œ 0

One farmer and one traveling salesman.

05.03.2026 00:56 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

This is both true and wrong. β€œRepublic” is from the Latin for rule by the people (res + publicus). β€œDemocracy” is from the Greek for rule by the people (demos + kratos). They’re the same word. They’ve had shifting, different connotations in English, but they’re the same word.

04.03.2026 22:34 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

Sonofabitch, I made it to 52.

04.03.2026 23:37 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

Au contraire: this is TERRIFYING. It means someone in Iran is waking up a sleeper network. I wonder why? (That was a rhetorical question: the obvious answer is "revenge", probably planned some time after 1988 (the US shoot-down of Iran Air flight 655).

04.03.2026 14:13 πŸ‘ 107 πŸ” 33 πŸ’¬ 9 πŸ“Œ 3
a pack of kittens closes in a a large dog standing on a chair

a pack of kittens closes in a a large dog standing on a chair

David Attenborough [whispering]:

β€œAs the predators close in on their helpless prey, we can only watch in silent horror, for it is not man’s role to interfere in the hierarchy of nature.”

04.03.2026 13:08 πŸ‘ 8441 πŸ” 1739 πŸ’¬ 155 πŸ“Œ 75

All the wrong people are getting cancer.

03.03.2026 04:36 πŸ‘ 3 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

things every single republican president of your lifetime has done

- started a war in the middle east
- completely destroyed the economy

28.02.2026 14:20 πŸ‘ 26298 πŸ” 8894 πŸ’¬ 290 πŸ“Œ 334

β€œThe truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand” is our country’s fuckin’ epitaph

01.03.2026 03:15 πŸ‘ 7 πŸ” 2 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

A lot of us despise the Trump regime, Per, doesn’t mean I want the elementary school in my town vaporized.

01.03.2026 01:25 πŸ‘ 964 πŸ” 140 πŸ’¬ 5 πŸ“Œ 1

Post a pic you took, no context, to bring some zen to the feed

01.03.2026 01:16 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 2

Kinda feels like this is bad.

28.02.2026 21:28 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

To me this question is basically β€œWhat’s the best Craig Finn lyric” and even then I’m having an awfully hard time narrowing it down

28.02.2026 12:41 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

The people we bullied off Xbox Live should not be allowed to start wars.

28.02.2026 10:04 πŸ‘ 532 πŸ” 80 πŸ’¬ 8 πŸ“Œ 0

Thinking of...

- The people of Iran, who mostly hate their government
- The people of Israel, who mostly hate their government
- The people of Palestine, who mostly hate their government
- The people of the USA, who mostly hate their government

28.02.2026 10:24 πŸ‘ 248 πŸ” 71 πŸ’¬ 5 πŸ“Œ 3

RIP Dan Simmons. He wrote imaginative and agonizingly detailed sci-fi, engrossing alternate-history fiction, and near the end, cranky right-wingish screeds. Problematic, but there’s no denying the guy could write.

28.02.2026 09:57 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

If you are younger than 83, you have never seen the US drop a single bomb as a formally declared act of war according to its constitution.

18.06.2025 22:20 πŸ‘ 1477 πŸ” 329 πŸ’¬ 3 πŸ“Œ 2