Jim Rowley

So glad Google Calendar reminded me today is the equinox. Almost forgot to sacrifice my firstborn to Cerunnos to ensure a prosperous harvest. Time to head to the bog!

Tesla really screwed the pooch by not calling the Cybertruck “The RhomBUS”

I hope you’re still hiring because I would be perfect for this!

Today’s movies just don’t speak to me. I miss when movies had a message. A message like, “A biker gang came to town, but don’t worry, the sheriff is Elvis Presley.”

Can Bong Joon-ho get on that please?

“What if we cut Christmas back by one day. To eleven days?”

“Then do we change the song?”

“To what? ‘The Eleven Days of Christmas?”

“You’re right. That’s stupid. The song is perfect as is. People will always remember Christmas was twelve days long.”

“Great. Next problem: turtledove infestation…”

No hacker can break my passwords, because no hacker can guess that I named my firstborn child “;5dJ&i8!k;”

Parkour is just another Silly Walk.

Facebook Marketplace is the best place to purchase all my favorite 9/11 merch. I don’t know why they sell all that other crap though.

Anyone got a line on a Robocop job? Just had the surgery and it was very $$$

Update: the Hittites lived in Bronze Age Turkey. Who’s free Friday?

Oh man. It was a really bad idea to switch from Blue Shield California to Ninkarrak, Assyrian goddess of healing. If I want her help with this strep throat, I have to smite the Hittites. #HealthcareInAmerica

I generally try not to use too many “SAT” words. Instead I use 19th century German ones. This way I seem way more relatable and way less überheblich.

So weird seeing my old work keep popping up. I wrote this one in 2009-2010? It keeps coming back. I see it somewhere every year or so.

Uh...this is how I always listen to music when I work and have since college. I thought it was just me!

I hope I’m dead before they invent robotic replicas of your dog that pass the uncanny valley test, and if I’m not, NO GIFTS!

Music trivia: "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" is actually about the drug L.I.T.S.W.D.

Huh. Just noticed that all great movies have two-word tiles.

Get Out. Jojo Rabbit. Independence Day. Beetle Juice. The Dunkirk. Silver Playbook. La Land.

Wild!

Working on an article about fondue tips. Thinking I’ll call it “Fondues & Fonshouldnt’s.” Thoughts?

I feel like Peter Shaffer missed an opportunity by naming it "Equus" instead of "Horse Play"

Oh well. Hopefully next year the Oscars will finally take my suggestion and add a “Should Be Dead” segment.

"I now present, the Mona Li--achoo. Ohhhh fuck fuck fuck." Leonardo da Vinci, six months before presenting the Mona Lisa.