Spilled chocolate into my sleeve and was promptly bitten by a plump German fellow
06.03.2026 20:29
👍 0
🔁 0
💬 0
📌 0
Spilled chocolate into my sleeve and was promptly bitten by a plump German fellow
Tried to shake a ghost's hand but reached straight through into the gravy boat behind him
A bird's nest has fallen onto my head
Seething with rage that we have ghost, mummy, robot, frankensteins, draculas, bigfoots etc movies but I'm here scrolling through Netflix and can't find one skeleton film.
remember that episode from are you afraid of the dark where the ghost was cold
I trickle my faucets every night this is literally my Superbowl
Being haunted by somebody else's grandma
Forced by mother to care for a boy made of wax. I suspect she wishes he were her real son. Tonight I begin planning his demise.
I'm in possession of numerous illegal meatballs
4 pairs of pants that can stand up on their own
There are very few, if any, job postings for bird boy on LinkedIn
I'm not going to check, but I'm fairly certain there's an old man in my closet
Following today's events, I only have one (1) dry pair of slacks left
Reconsidering my laptop burning business for grandpas
The neighborhood boy recently found out how to construct an arabian bullwhip, I'm no longer safe
Cornered in a dark alley by 3 bimbos
My doctor yelled at me when my test results came back normal
Got caught practicing kissing with a mackerel in the boy's bathroom
Been stuck in the same pair of slacks for 13 days
a Facebook marketplace listing with a photo of a man sitting in a fire pit
I wasn't in the market for a fire pit until I came across this listing
A swarm of rats just tried to push me into the oven while I was checking on my cookies.
Sat on a kiwi
Bird Day
Three pairs of panties hidden in my lunchbox. Unknown origin.
Forced to drink bird milk
I've been haunted by the ghost of a malevolent beekeeper for years
Came home only to discover 200 bees waiting for me
Hunter Biden palm pilot you won't believe the sick shit on this
Kicked out of the men's rights club now all I have left is boy's rights and they won't let me in.
Cornered in an alley by a pack of teacup pigs