Selena Maranjian

Clever posts of yore:

@TheAlexNevil
Yes, I'll give 100%, but I will expect 70% change back.

@CJSullivan_
There are two types of people...those who pre rinse dishes before putting them in the washer and heinous monsters that burn animals for fun.

#monsters #effort #work

Posts of yore:

@nameshiv
remember, children, every time you #smoke a cigarette God takes 8 minutes off your life and gives it to Keith Richards

@GrantTanaka
Wife: It's like every #man on earth has to share one #brain
Me: [can't think of a good comeback because it's not my turn to use the brain]

Clever posts of yore:

@davidgrosstv
My eyelid is telling me “no more coffee” in Morse code.

@moswanson
Just rolled up next to a guy in a Tesla at a stop light and blatantly sneered at him.
He rolled down his window and shouted “I KNOW! I KNOW! I’M SELLING IT!”

#tesla #coffee #wakeup

Clever posts of yore:

@Mirth_Quake
Hey man, is that squirrel in your jock or are you just.. oh. That IS a squirrel. Sorry.

@SketchesbyBoze
I don’t want to “stay sexy as I get older” I want to emerge from the river with seaweed in my hair uttering ancient curses in forgotten tongues

#aging #oops

C.S. Lewis quotation — 'When we Christians behave badly, or fail to behave well, we are making Christianity unbelievable to the outside world.'

Yup. #Christian #good #evil

Shows three kittens who look extra fluffy and spooked. Says "introverts at a party overstimulated and trying to figure out how to leave early"

Ha! :)
#introvert #party

Clever posts of yore:

@goldengateblond
a fun thing about getting older is all the sports injuries you get while sleeping

@meganamram
Things are getting serious with my boyfriend: I'm about to meet his wife!!

#boyfriend #wife #relationships #aging #sports

Clever posts of yore:

@eleanorkpenny
For Lent I am giving up

@Kristen_Arnett
Good morning to everyone but especially the woman in the crosswalk on my way to work who didn't like that someone honked at her to hurry so she stopped and did a couple of jumping jacks

#lent #funny

RT:

@LizHackett
You're not a #foodie. You're 24. You went to a restaurant.

@hannahmerich
Last night I was explaining to a new #gym instructor about how I've got metal rods along my spine, and she replied, "oh, so you're like a kebab" and I don't think I'll stop thinking about that for a while.

Sigh... #dystopia #dystopian

Clever posts of yore:

@Boba_Photo
She has a coy pond. All the pretty fish swim away when you try to feed them.

@ChalligatorEP
I feel like I am stuck in a snow globe and some jerk keeps shaking it.

RT:

@beaveinflow
Every time I accidentally see the news, I have to take my inner child to the #bookstore for an overpriced latte and an emotional support #book I’ll pretend I have time to read.

@Disalmanac
UPDATE: #Lent has begun. This is always the very worst time of the year for Rick Astley.

Clever posts of yore:

@TsybulskaLiubov
In Kyiv a woman knocked down a Russian drone from a balcony with a jar of cucumbers. How did they expect to occupy this country?

@SpacePlankton
When I hear a sports reporter say that someone is on fire right now, I always look up hopefully.

#ukraine #russia

RT:

@yonewt
Hypnotized by the ceiling fan and missed garbage day again

@FunnyFries
My Fitbit just asked me, "do you feel like standing up?"

@trumpetcake
I want to apologize to my coworker Cheryl for thinking that [she] and Ron from accounting were "dirty dancing." She was choking on an apricot.

Shows that the word hyphenated has no hyphen but the word non-hyphenated does have a hyphen. :) Says oh, how ironic

:) #irony #ironic #grammar #hyphen

Clever posts of yore:

@MooseAllain
Just browsing my dad's bookshelves and found he's printed out the whole of Wikipedia, had it bound & called it the Encyclopaedia Britannica!

@WilGafney
When do we run out of flabber to be gasted?

#sigh #books #wikipedia

Clever posts of yore:

@ClichedOut
the first rule of micromanager club is...here, i'll just show u

@DanielRCarrillo
I'm from rural #Texas, where it's legal to marry a #gun.

@jenashleywright
When they said “#History repeats itself,” I wasn’t expecting all of the twentieth century in two years.

Clever posts of yore:

@kelly__le
I finally shaved my legs.
Do I contact Locks of Love or do they contact me?

@ScorpionDong
One of my anxiety pills got lodged in my throat this morning. If that's not a good metaphor for life, I don't know what is

#life #hair #shave

:) #oops #ohno

While we wait for more results (I promise a bunch of calls are sure to be around the corner), my usual Election Night note:

if you find the work we do at Bolts to elevate local politics to be important and valuable... consider becoming a monthly subscriber (or donor)! Easy: boltsmag.org/donate

Follow this guy and Bolts for solid election information.

Venn diagram of intersecting circles labeled "cat" and "inkjet printer" -- middle says "moody, spend a lot of time self-cleaning, unreliable, demand feeding when container is full, ignore requests"

:) #cats #printers #inkjet

An angry possum is yelling into a phone -- text says "me yelling representative!! to the automated customer service"

:) #customerservice #help #modernlife #firstworldproblems

Shows an ice maker with indicators on that "ice full" and "add water"

Schroedinger's ice maker?

#schroedinger #huh

Clever posts of yore:

@ashleyn1cole
Today I completed a chore I have been putting off for six months. It took 15 minutes. I will learn nothing from this.

@SleazySli
Why isn't it called social notworking?

@PressOneForNo
Just seen a baby ghost. No hang on, it's a tissue.

#oops #life #lesson

Clever posts of yore:

@xLiserx
I made love to a beautiful hipster for nearly 10 minutes before realizing he was just a pile of scarves and coats in the Salvation Army bin.

@ScottLinnen
Rest up. Tomorrow's another thankless pride swallowing siege and you'll want to get an early start

#pride #oops

Clever posts of yore:

@dougboneparth
Give me coffee to change the things I can and alcohol to accept those I cannot.

@WilliamAder
"I have my own blood pressure machine at home."
- me, flirting, in Walgreens

#coffee #flirt #flirting #health

Shows a cat that looks like a rolled up towel next to rolled up towels. Says "terrible towel. Very scratchy. Does not dry well. 4/10"

:) #cats #rating

:)

[first day undercover] Can you speak up I’m wearing a wire