Might be getting a new job here soon and I'll be turning my shop into a side thing (it kind of always should have been tbh).
I'm hoping that getting back into working a normal job with actual income will help my mental health situation at least somewhat. Money stress has been very real recently.
Why am I so into controllers? Ts is so expensive but I love getting or putting together new custom ones so much. Autistic interest or something idk, I get so excited talking about them as well.
Like, they're just video game controllers what do you mean they're like the one thing I'm super into.
I've been manic for the past couple days which always scares me, not because of what may happen during the mania because when I get manic it mostly just makes me antsy and I usually actually have energy. No, I'm scared of the crash again. These crashes are some of the worst feelings I experience.
Being autistic sucks because I love sharing my interests with people and there's currently a new Terraria update and it's all that's on my mind and I wanna play with people but nobody I know is interested and I don't know how to talk to new people and make new friends.
I try not to blame absolutely everything on the emotionally abusive relationship, but when I think back on when a lot of my major health issues started becoming a hindrance to me, I can't think of anything other than it stemming back to that time.
Therapy also just... hasn't been helping.
I always have so much on my mind that brings me down. Trust issues, personal and social imposter syndrome, physical health issues,(my back and constant low energy), both of which severely inhibit my ability to work and make money.
Everything has culminated in me being homeless for 6 months
My trust with nearly everybody has been in the gutter. There are other factors to that, but because of it I'm completely incapable of making new friends and my current relationships would literally stop existing if I wasn't the one who initiated conversations or if I wasn't the one planning things.
The more time passes, the more I truly realize just how much being cheated on has stunted my growth and even caused me to regress
I started gaining weight due to severe depression and over eating at the time. Around that time is when my back started hurting and I don't believe that's a coincidence
The problem? Motivation doesn't fix my energy issues. I may be working on these projects, but how far they depends on how much energy I have, and on a nearly daily basis it's basically none.
I begin the process to get a psych test on the 17th though so here's hoping something comes from it.
I've been feeling pretty motivated to get things done recently. Been working on some stream stuff, some custom controller stuff for my website, and I also recently learned how to replace control sticks on controllers so I can finally offer control stick drift repairs which is lacking where I live.
Fuck Gen AI
Hina be like
Working just fine, boppin to music, overall not in a bad mood and getting things done and then BAM
Existential crisis
Love it here
"Man I really wanna play this game but I wanna play it stream so I'll wait"
>Doesn't play the game
>Doesn't stream either
ADHD please be nicer to me. I'm trying my best to be nice to you )):
Being ghosted gotta be one of the worst feelings in the world, especially when it's from somebody that actually made me feel comfortable enough to open my heart up to after it's been closed off for so long now. It makes me regret opening it and will lead to me just... closing it off again.
Thanks
Ye Shunguang from #ZZZ / #ZenlessZoneZero was requested so I drew her! I hope you like her
If you wish to support or see alts: www.patreon.com/distr
Idk why but I've been having a hard time wearing a lot of my bra's recently and I'm hoping it's because they don't fit me anymore 👀👀👀
There I go again bawling my eyes out while listening to Xenoblade 3 music
I know this game left a lasting impact on me but every time it happens I'm surprised at how deep that impact is
I hope that whatever Xenoblade 4 turns out to be, it leaves as much as if not MORE of an impact on me that 3 did
I took in 4 device repairs that day. If I can average that amount in a 5 business day week, I would be genuinely content and in the best spot ever in my life. At my first repair job, some days I would take in ~10 repairs, so I think I can definitely get to the 20 per week average, eventually.
I had a very productive and profitable Monday this last week and my goal for my business is to eventually make that my baseline. It relatively wasn't that much, still definitely a self employed small business amount, but I would live very comfortably with that kind of daily profit.
11 A's vs 14 A's
Adding one extra A per year
I am capable enough to do all of these, but my brain constantly sabotages itself which makes it extremely difficult to make it through even one day, let alone a lifetime.
But I'm at least finally getting care, and that's exactly where I need to start.
I'd like to get my weight down to ~200, I'd like to work out and gain SOME muscle, or at least not be as fragile as the guy made from glass in SpongeBob.
I REALLY want to voice train.
And then for business endeavors just... get to a point where I'm successful enough to be comfortable in life.
Even if I'm going through a rough patch in life right now and it's hard for me to function on a daily basis, I do truly believe that there will be a point in which I do get better and I'm able to accomplish the goals I want to, whether it be business endeavors or body goals.
Selfie of me sitting in front of my assortment of Luigi's Mansion stuff that hangs on the wall behind my chair. I am wearing a Luigi hat.
It's almost Halloween, and that means it's time for my 3rd annual Luigi's Mansion Max% Crowd Control charity stream!
In a nutshell:
- I try to get all the money in the game
- Chat redeems channel points & donates real money to heck me up
- I donate an extra $5 for each 500k gold y'all make me miss
Unfortunately I don't get that feeling with XB2. I didn't dislike the game by any means, but when I try to replay the game, I have such a hard time getting through the beginning. Not because of the story, but the combat just feels so slow to me and I end up bored. Increased move speed would be nice.
Pretty much every time I think about Xenoblade 3, and especially so when I listen to the music, I just cry. I love that game so much. I still absolutely love XB1, but the uncontrollable (heh) reaction I experience when it comes to XB3 speaks volumes over any biases I may have because "1 came first"
Being tired isn't the only thing of course. I definitely experience mania (thankfully it's not an intense mania) and crashes all the time. But being tired and exhausted all the time is definitely a massive factor.
I've suspected this has been the case for a while, but I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I haven't been streaming as much because I'm always tired and I pass out as soon as I'm done with work. These are definitely linked, so hopefully with medical help, it'll get better over time.
Peak
Always love seeing LM content
A digital illustration of Nia from Xenoblade Chronicles 2. She is facing directly at the viewer, fitted in her original blade design. Her silver hair flows outwards in each direction. She has her hand risen towards her chest as water effects flow outwards directly from her palm. The entire illustration presents many whites, blues, and golds, while many reds and blacks serve to outline her appearance.
PEACE IN MY SOUL~ 💙
#Art #XC2 #Xenoblade
