🏴‍☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴‍☠️

@shitpostsintiaras.bsky.social

When they put empath for the devil in their bio 🤘🏆👑 Congratulations @whatsjo.bsky.social from @jollyrobber.bsky.social 🏴‍☠️

Congratulations @sireviscerate.myatproto.social from @jollyrobber.bsky.social 🏴‍☠️🏆👑

America's Next Top Butthole Skeet

Last time i was raptured they were all like no way, bro

“What the fuck ever” means “you’re right but I don’t want to say that out loud”.

my air purifier is always glowing red at me when i smoke weed. like, simmer down, narc, it’s all good.

it's crazy to look back at the past 25 years and see how much this country has changed. it used to be that yo-yo tricks could get you laid.

I wouldn't try logging off you don't want to know what happened to the last guy

cuddles aren't enough, I need to be completely smooshed

no longer allowed to listen to Wake Me Up Before You Go Go while pumping gas

Some people ask, what would Jesus do. I ask, will it frighten the squirrels?

Bananas is actually the one fruit I haven’t gone.

put my symptoms into WebMD and it said I have a really old joke format

them: hate is such a strong word
me: and yet still wildly underperforming for how i currently feel about you

I make up in my head how someone feels about me and believe it.

The "O" in "O Canada" stands for "omelette"

Statistically one of you has to be the kid that pulled his pants and underwear down to their ankles to pee at the urinal in elementary school. You can’t hide

if they make you block your friends, you might be in a cult. if you blindly obey, you’re right where you belong.

popping a little blue pill to walk around walmart in gray sweatpants as a bit

I no longer have any concept of time or space. Lol.

Beavis and Butthead standing inside the Hoover Dam and Beavis is saying, “I have a question… is this a god damn?”

Yes it is

Me: Would you describe us as "happily married?"

My Wife: No. That's not the right word.

Me: No?

My Wife: No. I'd say "Permanently."

Me: Ah.

My Wife: "Irrevocably."

Me: Gotcha.

My Wife: "Inescapably."

Me: Got it. Got it.

how i arrived on bluesky

😂 😂 True story

Snake would be a great hot dog stand mascot tho, Rikki Tikki Minaj Dogs, get your condiments squeezed 🏆👑 Congratulations @ltvargus.bsky.social from @jollyrobber.bsky.social 🏴‍☠️

Don’t send help, I’m past that, save yourself, like run far & fast in the opposite direction of me.

If all else fails, lean into your multiple personalities & take comfort in knowing they never left your side.

It’s not all bad, I have slim to none human interaction every day & I very rarely leave the house.