Crispy T

Wow. Your brush with greatness. #SoFuckingImpressed

Happy Hour Hegseth says it is 5 o'clock somewhere! #MillerTimeIsMissleTime

Don't you mean a long fucking morning?

Miserable old shibag? Whoever could you mean? There are so many to choose from!

That sounds more like a Viagra horror story than a snow storm 🌨️

Is that where the storm is going to be? Between those two trees? Oddly specific, but I am here for it. Amazing what they can do with weather prediction! #StormRightThere

You need the Law and Order "Bong Bong"

Team speed skating just looks like The Human Centipede On Ice. Watch out Disney On Ice! #ATMAtSpeed

The biathlon skiers can ski along the course and try to pick off the drones before the drones get their countrymen/women. Nice!

I want to see a new Olympic sport: DRONE ATTACK! If you can take out a contestant with a drone, points! And a couple of Hershey medals.

Have you ever shoved a dried up sharpie up the backside of someone unexpecting but deserving? They have their uses... #BecomesABrownSharpie

It is amazing how fast speed skaters can go on windshield wipers

The speed skating relay looks like they are trying for the Human Centipede on Ice #Olympics #SpeedSkating

I want to see in figure skating a triple brown cow. They spin around 3 times in the air and shit themselves on the landing. #Olympics #FigureSkating

You OK, boy? Too cold for Liquid Warmth? I would go see a health care professional if I were you...

I really miss Olympic broadcasters having pink eye. Can we bring that back?

Or just the sounds of explosions and mortar fire. #MixItUp #TriggerPTSD #Skating

Please hold
Greatness is currently on backorder. We currently have mediocrity with questionable legality. Would you be interested in that?

I love turnovers, especially apple 🍎

Or served at a 5 year old's birthday party. But then look who is throwing it..

You know, it is made with children under the age of 4 #SoylentHam

Are you "girl drink drunk"?

Party 🎉

Tonight you're gonna part like Space 1999 #BallinLikeMartinLandau

In your case, Joe, it is your fault. Whatever the issue. Your Bad. No passing the buck here. #YouWereRightAtFirst #WhatAreWeTalkingAbout

Joe, get up on your roof and blast REO Speedwagon's "Riding The Storm Out" while in your underwear. 🩲 Your neighbors will love it! #WhyIsThatOldManOnTheRoofInTheRainInHisUnderwear? #IsHeSenile?

The week does seem shorter when you pass out for a portion of it! #LostTime #NoMakeUpNeeded

Where's the "The"? #DefiniteArticleMakesAllTheDifference #BrutusBrownEye

Where's the Engelbert Humperdinck? Where is the Anne Murray? No Enya? #CmonYouTube #PutTheRhythmInAlgorithm

Am I the only one who wants to go to a Morrissey concert just to throw some White Castle burgers at him? #ICantBeTheOnlyOne #SignTheWrappersJohnnyMarr