duretti (🗣️ dret-tea) hirpa

yep, it caught my eye what can i say

the last time i said this i almost got chased off the bird site

“boo your public officials, folks”
— a real thing i said in a meeting

one of the appeals of bluesky is simply that it is ridiculous and unserious in precisely the way that musk doesn’t get. he thinks he’s funny but isn’t and has turned twitter into a reflection of that.

all praise and glory to @ericajoy.astrel.la ✨

li’l about me:
👩🏽‍💻 software engineering manager
🍩 snack connoisseur
🧖🏽‍♀️ skincare addict
♥️ tender hearted soft baby
🤣 hilarious woman (hard to admit with out sounding like a megolomaniac, but i am in fact a riot)

i’m sure people have already talked about this, but it’s nice being on a part of the internet where i’m not being marketed to, and instead i get to read the unhinged scribblings of the extremely online. i love it, and will try to enjoy this part for as long as it lasts

other than scouring the internet there is no update!! a lesson i never learn lol

facts! i was filled with equal parts confusion and jealousy

someone cut off the taxi i was in yesterday, so from the backseat I just gave a thumbs down and a frown, definitely way more effective than a middle finger that’s for sure 🤣

i have been alerted to an instagram account that does missed connections so watch this space

just remembered i saw a man smoking a stogie at 7:15 this morning

we will both do more!! i believe in us

deserved

listen, taking it as a win that I was cute and charming around a hot stranger but yes, ETERNAL SHAME

not me talking to a stone cold cutie on the train in new york only to find out he lives in sf and then I didn’t get his name!!!!!!!!!!

if it was fun it would be at least worth the trade! bodies are a nightmare man

dang!! hard to stretch out ??? how does one even pull that muscle ??? (don’t answer lmao) maybe you can sit on one of those beastie balls to stretch it out

skyline is a good name for it, haven’t heard that yet

what muscles hurt?

lmaoooooooo I bark laughed fr

coffee is hilarious

i am trying to benjamin button over here!! looking for literal spit takes when i reveal my true age

it’s a laser resurfacing thing, and it helps with wrinkles, dark circles and under eye bags - it ablates the top layer of skin

safe co2/fraxel for melaninated skin WHEN

lmaooo honestly this would be the start of my villain arc

yes but what if you’re an adorable husky and the eyebrow makeup does not come off

😭😭😭

very funny how this is exactly the same thing as mastodon but people are willing to use it because you don't have to read from the book of the dead to make an account

here is the other one I have of her lol

here are some recently saved memes and by looking at it, it’s also unhinged city over here too

someone pls explain why eating when you’re hungry goes so hard?? like… top 10 experience every time, and if you disagree w me, just know you’re wrong