I think the Idris Elba Hijack show is not very good but the intro music absolutely goddamned slaps
26.02.2026 02:00
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I think the Idris Elba Hijack show is not very good but the intro music absolutely goddamned slaps
Adobe Acrobat being condescending as hell with me. Only Clippy is allowed to speak to me in that manner, and that fucker is on thin ice after what he did to my family
iPhone: Software update 67.594.7 is available. It will install later tonight when the device is charged and connected to WiFi
Me (the next morning): you didn’t do it
iPhone: I KNOW RIGHT
Me: why?
iPhone:
Me:
iPhone: I’ll do it tonight, I promise
68 has the worst imaginable Middle Child Syndrome
In the Old West, there were only 2 options for helping a loved one get sober.
[God creating dogs] Oh these turned out great. Im going to want all of these back at some point
Who let Joey Chestnut on the Board of Directors at WHOOP?
Just when I try to stop snack, they come out with even more snack, better snack
*makes millions*
*buys Nissan Juke*
*drives it into the ocean*
*walks back to dealership*
*buys Nissan Juke*
*drives it into the ocean*
*wal
I just want to be wealthy enough to have a loggia. Don’t care whether it is attached to a house or attached to a Robert.
You’re hired
SKATEPARK: Yay, $1.8 million in donations to build me!
PRINCIPAL: You know what…fuck this shit, I quit.
It’s a bag of chips, not my aunt carol’s goddamned recipe blog intro
All I want for Christmas is $2,800 and for Willie Nelson to sing “C is for Cookie” from Sesame Street.
She’s a perfect fit for the job but I can’t do anything about it.
The idea of broth seeping lazily and unchecked through the farmland has sent me into deep hypnosis
It is supposed to be our special night. A grand romantic gesture. It takes me over an hour to light all the candles. My god there are so many. It is now 300 degrees in your bedroom. My desperate attempts to keep wax off your dresser further kill the mood. Love has left your eyes.
I came here to do two things: Learn how to count.
the acronym you’re thinking of does indeed score points in that game.
What if, as a hilarious joke, I was able to sleep until my alarm went off
I still play Words With Friends (not ashamed) and hoooo boy do I get the feeling that the overwhelming majority of my opponents have highly problematic, uh, worldviews quite different from my own. Wild.
If the gates really are pearly you gotta worry about the other design choices within.
One cool thing that happened we were watching Portlandia the other day and discovered that we stayed in a cool Airbnb where they shot some scenes
and 1 new friend
you’re gonna have to slow down Grace i will direct your attention to my previous sentence about not knowing what am numbers much less polysyllabic worbs
gonna see if it is interested in murdering me brb
real talk does this spider have 9 legs or do i not understand how numbers work ?
mathematician get hongy after defeating nemesis
mathematician confronting their nemesis