Ok the shark thing is legitimately the funniest fuckin thing Trump has ever said 🤣🤣

Look being angry with the Green Party and Jill Stein is SUPER justifiable, but it’s kinda weird we blame them more for Trump than the Dem party who has ALL the power and still insists on using it to enable Bad Things and sabotage Good Things. We coulda had Bernie, and I know how to hold a grudge.

Could the fashion industry start designing dresses and skirts for people with FAT ASSES please??? Like make them just a little bit longer in the back than the front, ok thanks

What good is your relationship with God if you’re willing to hurt the people He loves? You can pray every night, go to church every Sunday, but if you’re willing to persecute any faction of humanity, you say to God that what He cares about doesn’t matter to you. Your works are your faith expressed.

everything happens so much

I'm spending the rest of the day writing a fanfic about Vine and TikTok boinking each other in every single way.

I WOULD just like to point out that TikTok mentioning Trump by name is NOT normal. #tiktokban #tiktok

My red flag is that John Locke was my favorite character in Lost.

🎶 In the aarrmmms of the angel, fly awaaaaayyyy from here…🎶

One thing about this app remains true to its predecessor: the intellectual elitism is off the charts. The vibes are NOT immaculate.

Today I had movers come to my house. One of the men saw my pepper spray on my keys and asked me if it actually worked. And then I felt super uncomfy.

Person: Do you want to eat two pints of ice cream and five full sized Reeces peanut better cups?

Me: Not really.

Person: What if we blended it all together and put it in a giant styrofoam cup?

Me: Splendid.

And while I’m on the subject, it’s not “how it looks LIKE,” it is simply “how it looks.” I beg of you, stop this madness and put me out of my misery. 😫

Please please please, the term is “addictive,” not “addicting.” 😭😭 Please don’t make me this person, I hate being annoyed by this 😭😭

All the moaning sounds coming from my bedroom are just me eating snacks.

I’m sorry boss, I can’t come in to work today, I only have 44 days left to watch everything on TikTok.

Absolutely elegant.

Absolutely devastated to report that feeling your feelings does, in fact, make them go away faster.

A doctor’s letter to United Healthcare for denying nausea meds for a child on chemo

One thing about me is that I will be limping to the finish line.

🎶 Ma-ma-ma myyyyyyyy chappel roan 🎶