Jesse

Breaking in to this guy’s house

Waking up out of a dead sleep, hard inhaling and whispering “truck nut style boot spurs”

Missionary so we can share an Italian sandwich

Hollowing out a baguette and blowgunning snails at your “fils” at your baby momma crib

If you come to my restaurant I’ll pour sangria all over you, fyi

Your two options for social media are a website with a guy named Gunther Eagleman replying to every post with racism or a second site where you will have the ethics of eating a sandwich explained to you by a 19 year old

If Karl Marx were alive today he would smell like shit

*guy who is generally offputting and really gives off the vibe he doesn’t really want to be on here voice*

Why don’t I have 20k followers?

One thing I’m really enjoying is seeing a bunch of accounts I haven’t seen on twitter in years posting exactly like they used to like they were preserved in amber, a charming type of insanity that feels like a warm hug

He looks like he has to piss so bad and is ducking in and out of Barnes and Nobleses looking for a public bathroom

Shapeheads we’re eating like kings tonight

Mahon, really good spanish cheese with the perfect melt point

I still believe in the two party system. Friday & Saturday

I’m going to be good on here and not make fun of the 6 posts I just scrolled by that absolutely deserve it

*ripping a big fart*

Looking for a starter pack of posters who love lasagna and hate Mondays

reincarnated

open.spotify.com/track/0RgjEk... Good Afternoon

Anyone have a good starter pack for someone who doesn’t k ow what that is honestly but really wants a bunch of followers

Oh got it it’s just 2015 twitter

Ok it is nice that the ads aren’t for AI girlfriends and skull calipers

Nice to see everyone

best thing i saw in italy. two sided painting of The Ideal Man

Fine fine FINE FINE

Leaning on a bar and saying to the handsome barkeep “y’know, I was the first gay baby”

world celebrates as the first gay baby, Blakey Rothsfeld, is born in Salt Lake City, Utah

“what a gay baby!” onlookers cheer as the little homo makes his way down the birth canal

Hard to think of anything funnier than Trump becoming Speaker

James Gunn sure is a silly goose but he’s right about one very important thing; that Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl) by Looking Glass is probably the best song ever made

I’m the new speaker of the house I had to fistfight Matt Gaetz and he crumpled like an inflatable yard decoration when I showed him my knuckle tattoos that say “MORE TAXS”

Content on here already leagues better, I love to see it