one note parody account devolved into railing abou

please stand if you have ever been misled. now remain standing if you have ever been bamboozled

how will this be explained to children

hearing rumors a new technology might exist in the future

still thinking

I hate that all propaganda and advertisements work on me immediately regardless of content.

feels like california being returned to mexico gets more likely every day {looking at self in mirror} lo siento, mi español es muy malo

mammals

might become a single issue voter

the matthew lesko question mark suit should be the official uniform of the president of the united states. I don't think it would solve everything but couldn't hurt

*clawing at refrigerator door and sobbing* but how do I get them back out

I'm known in gambling circles as "the only man to ever lose money on scratchers", to be clear I lost money manufacturing scratchers. My worst performing product was "Klaus Kinski's Millions", available exclusively in New Mexico, twelve were ever sold, nine of them winners.

been fading in and out of existence ever since i was killed in the past but it's been going on for years now so at this point I'm basically used to it

I can't wait to pound my fists and scream "Lunch!" at exactly twelve noon tomorrow

is EVERYTHING you freaks make covered in goo?

if they automate being a broke loser its over for me

throwing a jar of sriracha mayo at one and it bursts into flames

valid critique of reincarnation

they should make a laser that makes you smarter if you point it in your eye..... maybe they already do................

if you bump into someone remember to lift their keycard so it looks like you meant to do it

it turns out I'm claymated

"has weed dracula been here all week? I thought you were going to ask him to leave"

"I tried but he just hisses and coughs"

that is a description of most people's lives. not me. I learn meaningful stuff all the time.

vampire biting my neck even though i said quit it ya dang vampire

love when you're like "damn that actor was great what happened to them" so you look on imdb and they've been in 600 episodes of the Christmas Detective

smart. the concession stands in barber shops are horribly overpriced

⠀

This War Will Destabilize The Entire Mideast Region And Set Off A Global Shockwave Of Anti-Americanism vs. No It Won’t George W. Bush may think that a war against Iraq is the solution to our problems, but the reality is, it will only serve to create far more.

This War Will Destabilize The Entire Mideast Region And Set Off A Global Shockwave Of Anti-Americanism vs. No It Won’t

doing karate fights with spies

building up an immunity to lightning by being struck by progressively more energetic bolts

the howling oaf