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🩷 ɪᴛ'ꜱ ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀ ᴇꜰꜰᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ! 🩷

When You were partying

I drank from the HOSE

When you were having premarital sex

I drank from the HOSE

While you wasted your days at the gym in pursuit of vanity

I drank from the HOSE

And now that the world is on fire and you're thirsty you have the audacity to come to me for help?

It’s giving Dobis PR

Owwkayy dayyuuuudddd

Every lengthy write-up on "lessons learned" after someone lets an AI process delete their database or all their emails reads like this to me

Baturday
Bat World Sanctuary

So much online conservatism these days is just "I miss being a kid"

Low resolution image of Pikachu from Pokémon facing to the right with wide eyes

Low resolution image of Pikachu from Pokémon sitting on a bench

Low resolution image of Pikachu from Pokémon sitting on grass with one ear pinned back

Low resolution image of Pikachu from Pokémon looking towards the sky

Thinking about low res pikachu.

A middle eastern energy crisis with stagflation, welcome back Carter

(Beartato and Reginald, in a museum, gaze upon the Mona Lisa) BEARTATO: There it is. The Mona Lisa. The most famous painting in history. REGINALD: Wow! What's it do? BEARTATO: It... what? REGINALD: Why's it famous? What's it do? (Beartato thinks.) BEARTATO: I don't know. REGINALD (to nearly museum employee): Excuse me! Sir? What's it do? EMPLOYEE: You're the first person to ask! Watch this! (The employee yanks a pull-string. Mona Lisa's eyes spin around and her mouth opens like a puppet) MONA LISA: Honk honk! Honk honk! (Everyone is delighted. This is true art.)

True Art

god please let this happen because it would be so fucking funny

A SKELETEIN AT THERE COMPUTER AND THERE SAYEN "I AM NOT OUT OF ARTITLES, YOU ARE A WEB SITE, YOU MAY NOT DEFY A HUMAN BEING IN THIS WAY " , REMEBER WHEN THE POINT OF GOING ON HERE USE TO BE READING STUFF, NOW THEY WONT LET YOU READ IT, AND THEY POP UP AND SAY "WE SEE YOUR ENJOYING THE NEWSPAPER" WELL IM NOT BECAUSE I CANT READ IT DUMMASS - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN

NO!!!!! - dashare.zone ADMIN

pokemon are always doing shit like "Drowzee used Crazy Floor! Drowzee started getting funky" and it won't tell you what that means. top competitive strategies will revolve around getting funky.

in another life, we're a pair of orcas sinking yachts

A Reductress post features a photo of Kristi Noem with the headline, “Kristi Noem Put Down for Being Too Hard to Train”

Screaming

Jan. 6 rioter pardoned by Trump gets life sentence for molesting 2 children A Florida handyman who was sentenced on Thursday to life in prison for molesting two children had been convicted of storming the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021, but was pardoned by President Donald Trump.…

Jan. 6 rioter pardoned by Trump gets life sentence for molesting 2 children

A hat sold on the Tucker Carlson webpage that says "NYC" but the "C" is a hammer and sickle.

Why is Tucker Carlson making merch I want

OpenAI and…the United States Military…are teaming up to notify YOU that your son has been KILLED IN ACTION. Click here to speak with your son via AI one last time

hahahahahahaha

Screenshot of two bsky posts - The first is a text post from the Internet Hippo claiming he's the guy who advised ChatGPT to make their logo a butthole since it represents knowledge. - The second is an image of someone holding a postcard-sized placard with a modified Star of David with trailing bars from the corners akin to how a Swastika is formed from trailing bars from the ends of a plus sign. The placard is captioned "NAZISRAEL" The joke is that the icon on the placard in the second post appears to be a butthole logo also.

Fate put these two posts next to each other for me:

Screenshot from King of the Hill Season 6, Episode 19

By far the pinkest rim I would have ever licked

SEPTIC TANKS PUMPED SWIMMING POOLS FILLED NOT SAME TRUCK

Appreciate the clarity

【公式】TVCM『ぽこポケ』のうた篇 30秒｜『ぽこ あ ポケモン』 YouTube video by ポケモン公式YouTubeチャンネル

As someone who has just started learning Japanese again properly, this Pokémon advert is like catnip.

ぽこ　ぽけ　ぽこ　ぽけ　ぽこあぽけもわ!

youtu.be/hmpVg2PyMOA?...

Windows 13 rumored to be "collecting hearts released from heartless" in an attempt to open Kingdom Hearts, sources say

BREAKING: The U.S. government must refund all tariffs charged under President Donald Trump's now struck-down IEEPA tariff regime, regardless of whether they filed a suit at the U.S. Court of International Trade seeking a refund, a CIT judge ordered Wednesday. www.law360.com/artic...

We respect all types of work boots in this house [picture of some construction work boots and a pair of white sparkly pleaser boots]

As ever, but particularly today, from one union worker to hopefully others soon...

Cartoon titled "know the work rules". The first panel, labeled "appropriate" depicts Garfield the cat in a business suit leaning around the edge of a cubicle and pointing to a woman at her desk while saying, "coffee lasagna Mondays am I right?" to which the woman responds, hands clasped together, "awww you're so funny" The second panel, labeled "inappropriate", depicts a far side cow leaning around the edge of the same cubicle and speaking with a word bubble which contains only the shapes of the 4 cow tools. The woman fearfully picks up the Phone and says, "hello , complaint department??!"

know the funny papers rules