Parents Tried to Shield Their Children From Vaccines. Instead They Got Measles.
A little confused by "instead" here.
The saying isn't "fuck around, instead find out"
Yeah, I think the answer to that is, if you express that something they said hurt your feelings and they respond with something other than "I'm sorry, I didn't think of that"
Then they're not your friends, you're maybe someone they keep around as a token
Is this guernica?
And now the spookier version
Basement lighting is gym lighting
I want to do a series extreme work out shirts with, like, a bear benching 900lbs on a pile of skulls and a bunch or tribal and barbedwire
That say "my body is a weapon that turns fuck you into fuck you"
And then only make them in sizes for really fat and really skinny people
And babies
Beware the IUDs of March
I, too, like to see a joyful person describing something as "a dream come true" and begin looking for pseudo-scientific bullshit to try and invalidate it.
90% of instagram: write a dialogue that specifically makes someone look like an asshole; if it's a reel, play both roles so one person specifically looks like an asshole
90% of Instagram comments: wow that type of person is such an asshole
Taskmaster line-up made up of people I wish were my romantic partner
1. Concetta Caristo
2. Sophie Duker
3. Nina Oyama
4. Chris Ramsey
5. Little Alex Horne
Amusing signs from the fishing store
Nothing is happening
Okay, there's something but we can't let it happen
Okay, it happened but we can't let it happen again
Okay, it happened again but we can't have any kind of future
Okay, we have some kind of future but we can't tell our friends
Okay.... I told a few of our friends
There's a lot, a lot, A LOT, of ways to skin this cat but if the cat still has all its fur.... don't be defensive of your skinning method, at least
And then they tell you what used to work for them and when they gave it up and you want to say "if it didn't cause you to stick with it, then it didn't actually work for you"
Same old fitness guy complaint but -
It's so hard to be polite when people start telling you that solid, scientific fitness advice doesn't work for them
Because they tell you what works for them and you want to say "you don't have any results. Obviously what works for you isn't actually working"
DOG AT THE OLYMPICS
FULL COMPETITION HIGHLIGHTS
Welp, I fucked up joking that everyone knows Lady Boner and Girl Dick are two different things because apparently everyone does not know a Lady Boner and a Girl Dick are two different things
I feel like my girlfriend is cheating on me with some guy she's married to
Like a lot of people, I frequently have intrusive thoughts that my friends hate me
I see them and hear them in my mind discussing how I suck at life
What I do now, when that happens, is deliberately imagine them talking me up to someone I'm trying to sleep with
Bro code runs deep
Just gotta get through those first few painful hours of the morning so you can get into the rest of the painful hours of the afternoon and evening
I've joked about this before but -
I'd be such a terrible criminal. I just saw a scene in a show where a mugger screams at a woman who can't get her engagement ring off her finger
And my first thought was I'd tell her it's fine, don't stress about it
We're going world class dirt bag this morning
Married for the money, divorced for love
I often get worried about being blamed for things that aren't true
And for some reason instead of thinking alright, I'll explain and I'll be believed; I think I'll be accused of lying when I do explain
As a rule, literally as a rule I believe in myself, if you're dipping into the parentheses; just STFU.
No one has ever unfucked something with what they put in brackets.
The best thing to do in these situations is say "yes." And then sit back down.
As a rule, literally as a rule I believe in myself, if you're dipping into the parentheses; just STFU.
No one has ever unfucked something with what they put in brackets.
These are gonna be the first shirtless beers of the year in a minute here, damn February, relax
I sense an Absolute Mad Lads episode incoming...
Forgot to flip it for tattoo legibility
