💥 🦦 🏳️‍🌈

My best friend: You should just text random numbers "where dick?"

Hi Boyfriends!

This might sound silly but I color matched the tin from Dog Walkers joints 😂

A man smiling at the camera in front of a green wall with a clean haircut and beard

Boyfriends saw it first!

"Now I'm not saying she's a dog murderer, per se, but I just think that her actions raise some questions like, for example: is she a dog murderer?"

Working in corporate is hearing people say "so yeah we're really excited about that" in the most lifeless monotone.

Just swap Schüler with Student, hahaha. Wouldn't want him to go to jail for a grammatical swap 😂

My insanely handsome German professor from college and I are setting up time to catch up. Brb ✈️ to Frankfurt...

Guys...I think I might be neurodivergent.

Are you ad-libbing lyrics to Flo Rida's "Low" to be about your dog or are you normal?

What if I was part of an international polycule? 🤔

Cardboard box containing an object and written in sharpie on one of the flaps it says "free broken top but still works"

Honestly, feel for you boxy

Some people are just content where they are in their slice of the world. I think I'm cursed to never be one of those people.

Why is it when I eat my feelings it's never crudités and instead it's a chonky fritter covered in cheesy lard gravy?

She's the bestest little girl 🥺

Me laying on the couch with my husky girl laying her head on my chest. We have a southwest style blanket behind us.

Today's mood 💤

If your date wanted to fuck to classical music, is that sexy or spooky?

Not to brag but I can spiral like kinda fast.

Thank you, internet boyfriends, for the birthday wishes!

I've free fallen once more around our solar core 🎈🎂

a woman in a plaid dress stands in front of mannequins and a sign that says lgbt tv ALT: a woman in a plaid dress stands in front of mannequins and a sign that says lgbt tv

Clackity clack ka clack clack *metallic ding*

Image of a transorbital lobotomy kit on a white background.

Fuck babe, the way I need you right now...

Poster for the Oh, Mary Broadway show starring Catherine Tate

I would immediately burst into confetti if I got to see CATHERINE TATE in "Oh, Mary!"

Wake the fuck up 🥰

I need a European husband. It's time to scoot.

Will no one rid me of these meddlesome feelings?

Huskies are the sweetest, silliest babies. If you give them an active life, they will adore you in return.

He was saying thank you to me for cleaning up our flower beds last summer. Maybe he couldn't reach my shoulder?

I'm honestly not sure lmao

I keep thinking about my neighbor grabbing my foot at our condo board meeting last night.