tobias

THE POLICE (THE KILLERS)
THE KILLERS (THE POLICE)

I HAVE LONG FELT THAT EDINBURGH SUMMER EVENINGS ARE PERFECT. THEY HOLD AN INCOMPARABLE MAGIC NO OTHER PLACE CAN MATCH

JENNY MUST LET TEDDY DO HIS MATHEMATICAL MODELS. IN THE NUMBERS HE SEES VAST PALACES ON SHIMMERING SEAS. THE LURE AND PROMISE OF INFINITE ETERNAL PARADISE. BY FLYING TO A BEACH YOU DESTROY A BEACH. BUT THROUGH NUMBERS YOU MAY SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF GOD

WEARING A CLOTH OVER MY HEAD AS I DEVOUR A CADBURY’S CREME ORTOLAN. HIDING MY SHAME FROM GOD, AND ALSO THE EASTER RABBIT

HAVING A BREAKDOWN OVER THESE INCOMPREHENSIBLE AND SCARY SPICES

TAKING PAINKILLERS AND ALSO TEARING UP MY INSIDES BY EATING THE FOIL PACK THE PAINKILLERS CAME IN. THEY CAN DUKE IT OUT IN THE NERVOUS SYSTEM

PRINCE: WHERE YOU BEEN? WE WERE WAITING FOREVER. BOWIE IS ALREADY DANCING NAKED WITH A LAMPSHADE ON HIS HEAD AND ALAN RICKMAN PASSED OUT

AYATOLLAH KHAMENEI: SORRY, GOT HELD UP

PRINCE: WHAT HAPPENED SINCE WE LEFT?

AYATOLLAH KHAMENEI: YOU DON’T WANNA KNOW. LET’S PARTY

EVERYONE IS SPEAKING MANDARIN BUT NOBODY IS SPEAKING TO MY MAN DARREN

[WISTFULLY, BEING CHARGED £7 FOR A PINT OF NECK OIL I WILL NOT ENJOY] WHO TOOK THE MONEY AWAY….

EASILY. IT WILL SUCK AND I WILL FEEL AWFUL (ESP WITH THE BEERS) BUT THIS WILL BE EASY

I’LL TELL YOU WHAT HACKS ME OFF, AND IT’S THAT WE HAVE SOME CUPBOARDS THAT ARE FRIDGES AND SOME THAT ARE WASHING MACHINES AND SOME THAT ARE DISHWASHERS. OPEN A DOOR IN THE KITCHEN AND YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU WILL GET. ANANYA IS RIGHT TO DISRESPECT THIS SYSTEM. PUT CLOTHES IN THERE. WHO GIVES A SHIT

Screenshot from the simpsons telling the bullies that superintendent Chalmers is crying like a little girl

"I'll tell you something that's not so funny. Right now, Matt Goodwin is at the count for Gorton and Denton, crying like a little girl!"

LITERALLY FOUND MYSELF THINKING I SHOULD GET INTO PAT METHENY THIS MORNING. THANK YOU TELEGRAPH

POSTING THIS 100 TIMES IN THE ALL STAFF MICROSOFT TEAMS CALL CHAT

ELIANE RADIGUE TRIBUTE

TERRIBLE NEWS. A TITAN

AS AN IMMIGRANT WITH ILR, I GOTTA SAY IT’S ALL A SHITSHOW. THE RULES AND GOALPOSTS HAVE CHANGED SO MANY TIMES SINCE I MOVED TO THE UK. IT HAS COST SO MUCH TO BE HERE. THEY CAN’T AND WON’T DEPORT US BUT JESUS CHRIST MAN

BAE: COME OVER
ME: I CAN’T I AM ON A PLANE
BAE: I HAVE VIVA LA VIDA PROSPEKT’S MARCH EDITION ON CD
ME:

WHEN THERE’S NO COLDPLAY AT THE FUNCTION

LOOK I’M SURE THIS IS A GOOD FESTIVAL BUT THE GRAPHIC IS A DISASTER OF A PATCH. THE STORED VOLTAGE CV OUTPUT IS GOING INTO THE ENVELOPE OUTPUT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. DISAPPOINTING

LISTENED TO A BUNCH OF NIN LATELY. CURRENT ALBUM RANKING:

1 YEAR ZERO
2 BAD WITCH
3 DOWNWARD SPIRAL
4 THE FRAGILE
5 HESITATION MARKS
6 PRETTY HATE MACHINE
7 BROKEN
8 GHOSTS (ALL OF EM)
9 WITH TEETH
10 THE SLIP

CHEERS

COMMUNITY MENACE

A READY PLAYER ONE STYLE FILM BUT IT’S ABOUT ALSO-RAN POLITICAL FIGURES OF THE RECENT PAST. HELPING BETO O’ROURKE OUT OF A JAM. WEIGHT TRAINING WITH PAUL RYAN. THE PRESENCE AND INTOLERABLE NAME OF REINCE PREIBUS

ELSA IS A SHARD OF MARTA THAT BROKE OFF, DEVELOPED A SIMULACRUM OF AN IDENTITY, BUT RETAINS A VESTIGIAL YEARNING TO RETURN HOME: TO BE ONE WITH MARTA AGAIN. BUT MARTA KNOWS THAT ENTROPY CANNOT BE REVERSED. SHE GATEKEEPS OUT OF LOVE, AND A FEAR THAT THEY WILL NEVER TRULY BE SEPARATE BEINGS

I WORKED IN A CINEMA WHILE I WAS AT UNIVERSITY AND I SPENT MOST OF MY TIME AT WORK EXTREMELY ANGRY

PROBABLY THE ANGRIEST I’VE BEEN IS WHEN AN MAN CALLED ME A PIMPLY CUNT AND THREW A SIGN AT ME

WEEKEND AT BERNIE’S (1989)

SYNTHESISER SUMMONING

AS A MODULAR SYNTH PLAYER I AM HORRIFIED AND DISGUSTED THAT THE UK HAS LEGITIMISED THIS HORRIBLE HOBBY BY NAMING ONE OF MY PEOPLE AS ITS EUROVISION ENTRY THIS YEAR

HIDING BENEATH A MANHOLE COVER, REACHING JUST MY HAND OUT TO OFFER PASSERS BY A LOVELY PANCAKE. MANY ACCEPT IT, SOME SAY OH SORRY I ALREADY SHROVE. IT FEELS GOOD TO GIVE SOMETHING BACK. IN MY DAMP PIT I AM HAPPY