House of 1000 Fionas

Today's President's Daily Brief: "Trump determined to make the next Bin Ladin determined to strike in US"

Here's a great turn of phrase frequently deployed by our grandpa: "lowlife swine"

Hey Greenland, you know what you could do that would be really funny right now

Today's President's Daily Brief: "Trump determined to make the next Bin Ladin determined to strike in US"

For some reason, this time I imagined Judge Holden wearing a human scalp with a vainly preened hair tumbleweed perched atop a caked-in-bronzer, dipshit Baby-Huey-lookin-ass motherfucker

Taking a mental health break from beholding the grim, absurd, cruel, and avaricious violence perpetrated by this country's leadership with one of my favorite comfort reads (Blood Meridian)

What a time to be alive (derogatory)

Getting tased for saying "neener neener" to the NYPD

I CAN’T DO THIS
*clap clap clapclapclap*
I CAN’T DO THIS
*clap clap clapclapclap*

I'm off the hook until at least Monday, unless they call and dismiss me outright

Hoping their notes on me say something like "Forgot summons + very late + wore N95 + reading Blood Meridian + metal band t shirt depicted a mortally wounded knight (or possibly Robocop??) throwing up blood"

Survived by front-loading (listened to "Flight of Icarus" five times during my drive there)

Right?? The future sucks

I have jury duty tomorrow and I'm gonna have to check my phone with security?? These people expect me to go an entire day without listening to a single Iron Maiden song???

Having an extra waffle at breakfast just to take the edge off

A text message I sent that reads: (for the Lee Iacocca joke, there's a species of 5-foot tall bird people called aarakocra)

A reply to my text that reads: Ahh thank you for that explanation Three subsequent texts I responded with that say: I feel maybe I shoulda spelled it Iakoccra? But the D&D people would get it anyway Assuming they know the name Lee Iacocca As you can see there's a lot to unpack here

This has been weighing on my mind for days

Columbomaxxing

🎵 I don't wanna work 🎵
🎵 I just wanna get preserved in this bog all day 🎵

What a time to be alive (derogatory)

Counselor: These feelings of "everything sucks," how long have you had them? Butt-head: Uhh, since everything started to suck, I guess.

Here it is, your moment of zen.

I don't play D&D so here's a free character name from my intrusive thoughts: Lee Iacoccra

Allow me to introduce my pet flounder, Flatboy Swim

Yesterday I went out to get lunch and in the middle of the sidewalk outside my office there was a latex glove filled with shit that was spilling out of the wrist cause someone had stepped on it I'M SO SICK OF THIS FUCKING CITY

Wikipedia article "See also" section with links to: - Screaming (in music) - Screaming (in general)

My main hobbies

Had to perform an emergency ponytail-ectomy on myself to promote bathing

i have just gotten off a productive call with sauron where i laid out our requests

- nazgul bodycams
- morgul knife must remain sheathed unless suspect is determined to be carrying the one ring
- shelob will be the new point of contact

Martin Landau Ballet

Snow storm well planned for? (derisively) Welcome to Mamdani's New York!! Sharia Snow Plows

Another friend put it to me like this: "ICE has made the classic Nazi mistake. They've invaded a winter people in the winter."

"Laughter is the best medicine"? Ever heard of Interferon, idiot??