J. Michael Mull

the government stopped producing pennies a while back, so can you please stop asking to make it make cents

working on an A.I. version of Harambe to reverse the curse, as it were

Staring at my phone, yelling, "I didn’t sign up to be part of your ruminations," then getting up and moving to the next subway car, repeating the process until I jump out the rear and land on the third rail.

Lorne Michaels: Riiiight. so what's the punchline?
Me: What punchline? We'll fix it in post

Review: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

It's a simple, heartfelt story that's never trying to shock you or pull off big twists. Instead, it lets the relationships breathe, allowing the quieter moments to land that much harder. I'd have more to say, but I'd have to sit with it a while

Stellan Skarsgård as Gustav and Renate Reinsve as Nora face each other in a profile shot from the film Sentimental Value. They stand outdoors against a backdrop of green foliage in the dim light of dusk, with Nora resting her chin on her hand as she looks toward Gustav with a serious expression.

Oscar Viewing Party For One - Tonight's Nominee:
Sentimental Value | Dir. Joachim Trier

I bet there will be a lot of tears.

Two vertically stacked panels from the television show Seinfeld show Elaine Benes sitting in the back of a yellow taxi cab. In the top panel, Elaine looks out the window with a mildly annoyed expression while the cab driver focuses on the road. The subtitle reads, "Look at that guy's dog. I hate it when their ears get flipped inside out like that. Why doesn't he fix it?" In the bottom panel, Elaine leans forward toward the open window, shouting with an aggressive, frustrated facial expression. The subtitle reads, "Hey! Fold your dog's ear back!"

Some people are Carries, others are Samanthas, and it's possible a few of you are even Charlottes. I'm an Elaine.

I always find the words to articulate my feelings toward despicable acts and people. I guess I'm just built different

I always find the words to articulate my feelings toward despicable acts and people. I guess I'm just built different

only if you lean into it

alright ya goofs, time to take down your borderline pornographic International Women's Day yard inflatables and install your suspiciously muscular St. Paddy's Day leprechaun tableu

somebody thought I was 22 the other day, so naturally I felt the urge to reach into my cardigan pocket, give them some old man candy, and tussle their hair

basically, The Noid is just a distraction from the Epstein files

The world went to shit when we chose to avoid the Noid instead of killing it dead with hammers, I'll tell you that much

With St. Patrick’s Day near, remember the Irish invented boycotts. In 1880, Englishman Charles Boycott refused to lower rents, so the village shunned him. Laborers struck, shops refused business, even the postman wouldn't deliver. St. Patrick may not have banished snakes, but one slithered off shore

I try to top myself every day, but alas, I'm just not that flexible

tell me, do you like your jib cut or uncut?

Review: a clinical ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Admirable, but it lacks affective depth. Sean Penn as a Greg Bovino/RFK Jr./guy who CCs the GM hybrid is a 5 star performance. Everyone brought their A-game, but the story sags. I might like it better on second viewing, but that isn't happening. Also, the score was tacky

carry on, John

Gemini said A pregnant woman in a black beanie, a red and black flannel shirt, and olive cargo pants stands in a desolate, grassy field. She fires a light machine gun toward the right, the muzzle flash visible against an overcast, hazy sky. A small vehicle sits in the distance near rolling hills

Oscar Viewing Party For One - Tonight's Nominee:
One Battle After Another | Dir. Paul Thomas Anderson

the one I've least looked forward to watching. I am currently under a tornado threat, so there's a change I won't be finishing it anyway.

did you know Raul is like Paul with an R, Balthazar?

you have some gall, Paul

what is going on here?

Trump is their ride or die

Does the 'everyone is 12 years old' theory also include adults on the internet calling everyone a fuckface?

it is unseasonably warm

I haven't cut my hair in 733 days (but who's counting) and twisted my ankle Saturday night (don't ask), so I'm just sort of skulking around looking like the girl from The Ring.

lets review the performance later to see if the ROI lived up to the pitch

Michelin stars would be a nice touch

Do straight couples high-five and say 'hell yeah, bro' after sex, or do they, like, give each other a thumbs up? Never mind, I don't care

Review: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

For a horror movie, it definitely punches above its weight despite the typical tropes. Also, You could practically eliminate the first 40 minutes and achieve the same results. Admittedly, It has far more positives than negatives, but the flaws are simply more fun to talk about