Anna Turner

Been getting a lot of tarot card content back in the ol' algorithm, lads.

You already know what kind of hat the policeman was wearing.

Someone on the train looked out the window and said "ello ello ello", so I looked out the window too, and I saw what I can only describe as "the most ello-ello-ello looking policeman I have ever seen in my life."

Superb work. I'm in bits.

Forgot this happened. Wherever you are, I hope you're having a great day. And I know in my soul you two are still together to this day, arguing in restaurants and enjoying every moment of it.

Is this anything?

It's gonna be Lars von Trier and a big bowl of pasta until morale improves I'm afraid.

When a gacha game has the girls doing honest to G-d Buddhist philosophy

ALSO. Also - can I submit this anecdotal evidence to jump the queue for an autism diagnosis? Feels like I should be able to.

In 2011 a situationship asked me "have you seen Amelie? She really reminds me of you" and I continued to think "huh. Hm. Wonder if he likes me?"

Anyway, just rewatched Amelie for the first time since then and I'm wondering if I can just be put down like a horse with a broken leg???

I've actually thought up a few more off the back of this.

Also, funnily enough, - Me, 2009

Boyfriend's entirely correct take on Padel: "I know this is a fake sport because I have to download an app if I want to go play it. If I want to go climbing, I just have to find a rock."

The category is "WhatsApp messages from my sister that sound like Sylvia Plath/ Shirley Jackson novels"

The veil is thin

Tears budding in my boyfriend's eyes as he says "that's the most alive and free I've seen you. It was beautiful." Mind you he's talking about the time I was riding a Lime scooter drunk around Marseille.

Jokes on him, while he was out forming real human connections and being part of a community, I got to lay down and consume CCP propaganda on Instagram 😎

Jealous of the parallel, offline world my boyfriend lives in. I'm in bed watching short form vidoes, and he comes in like "just seen our neighbour Rob, he gave me a bottle of his homebrew wine and we went to his basement to check out his brewing set up, and I hung out with his new puppy for a bit."

"it seems you have no choice but to bury that five, surely going bust in the process, Mr Bond. Perhaps you should have taken a treat whilst you had the opportunity."

What I actually need is for them to have 'Spots' at the casino

The OP strat is to guess "driving ban" every time.

Drinking game where you go to a random celebrity's Wikipedia page and everyone has to guess what's in the "controversy" section.

Trying to convince my boyfriend to go to the casino by saying "it's sort of like a boardgame cafe"

Once cleared a dancefloor in about 15 seconds flat with a poorly timed request for Spooky by Dusty Springfield. Been chasing that high ever since.

Melancholy for the days when I was young and pretty enough that DJs would play my requests even when they were objectively a terrible idea.

Using a thesaurus to get closer and closer to the word you know you're thinking of feels like chasing a man through the woods.

Screenshotting this to make next week

Saw some graffiti that said 'the rich feed the poor' and was like 🤔

Missed the bit at the top that said 'tax'

Boyfriend has invented a nemesis he calls "Hidden Gemma", an influencer who posts about all your favourite spots and makes them suddenly overrun with people. Can't get a walk-in on a random Tuesday anymore because they're fully booked? Hidden Gemma's been posting again!

Just sat here imagining explaining this to Carl Jung.