Groceries

huge

Atheism implies an active disbelief in God. Agnosticism implies an uncertainty. Is there a label for "I don't fucking care; I'm sure it's way more complicated and weird than any organized religion suggests; please fuck off"? 🤔

impress your waiter by ordering gazpacho by its proper name, vegetable blood

i don’t really have much emotional range it’s either i love my wife or the sort of prodromal psychotic existential malaise of a baby deer dropped off in the middle of a strip mall

If only I could be a reasonable amount of whelmed.

Laying in a cryotube for 65 years and waking to discover an alien terror poised to wipe out humanity sounding pretty good about now.

The thing about all these freak AI execs constantly going "our machine may have gained sentience?!" is that they want slaves. That they are ok with slave labor.

And *then* it always, always turns out their latest AI trick actually used slave labor somewhere in the global south.

They're slavers.

Please make it known to the pigeons: we wish to form an alliance.

Interviewer: Can you tell me why you want to work for Auto Zone?

Me, on the phone: Sure thing! I just need to finish up with this customer call.

*twenty minutes later*

Me, still on the phone: ...

Interviewer: Impressive. You're hired!

The Indistinct Permanence

A sign reads "Please wait patiently for the failure of the system" with Chinese characters above.

our patience has been rewarded

honeycutt to robotello

Since we are talking about what Jesus would want i know of about 100 passages that tell us to treat immigrants as our own..

Just fucking saying.

[25 seconds into marathon]
lol nope

none of this would have happened if kevin mcallister would have punched trump in the balls so hard that he died in home alone 2: lost in new york

Use as directed. Or what you think is best.

Why are you mad at me? If you're not mad at me, why are you lying?

Lunch sketch.

going through a season where it is so loud inside my head that i cannot even hear myself scream

you know how no one says "I can't come to the phone right now" anymore

they took that from you

fewer than 17

I haven't met many people who even leave the house without 17+ of their pet squirrels on their person & those that i have seemed off somehow, untrustworthy

as we near the end of Feb, i am reminding my dogs that they will need to update their Q1 commitments and address any shortfalls to their initial forecast

if they let me do the criterion closet, I would just start eating the discs

A doodle titled “yeah I love the writing process” and showing four different scenes. A figure hunched over a piece of paper, another hunched ferally over a laptop, a third making a “werk queen” face at a keyboard, and a fourth dissociating in their chair.

Back at it again in the mines

they should invent a cat that's immortal

The h in whoa goes wherever you want it: woah or woha or hwoa — they're all good. It's just a very accepting word

NO COMMERCIAL BANK WANTS TO DO CONSUMER BANKING ANYMORE GIVE IT TO THE POST OFFICE THEY USED TO PROVIDE BASIC BANKING SERVICES TIL LIKE THE 60s

also the USPS should do web-hosting and email services

Look this may be an unpopular opinion but if you cannot provide safe parking for your employees, maybe you shouldn’t have them come into work