deep see creature

guy who pronounces onion like orion

a group of belligerent naysayers balk into a war

to both of my followers: please play this game it fucking rules

This Weeks Onion Magazine: ‘I Don’t Know How And It’s Not My Event’: Simone Biles On Her Decision Not To Snowboard At The Winter Olympics

This Weeks Onion Magazine: ‘I Don’t Know How And It’s Not My Event’: Simone Biles On Her Decision Not To Snowboard At The Winter Olympics

taking a bath at the hotel room

i finished playing #deltarune last night

A bio for Bob Love, a programmer at raven software. It reads: Robert Love joined the Raven Software programming staff on October 31st, 1995. He has worked on Necrodome, Hexen II, Heretic II, and Soldier Of Fortune. He spends his free time writing science fiction/fantasy novels and short stories. Born on the shores of Monaco, Bob spent his childhood making balloon caricatures of rich tourists. Later on he studied at a pretentious cooking school which he left after his "Spaghetti on a Stick" was ridiculed. Broken hearted, Bob traveled to America where he worked for a short time as a professional wrestler under the name of "The Smurf". Eventually he managed to gain employment at Raven Software. Soon his life will be the subject of a major motion picture entitled "Why wasn't I born rich?". Bob's willing to bet they won't let him write his own bio ever again.

just do this

why's ralsei doin the yi nine sols stare

i did this once in high school. bought a huge roll of i voted stickers, put one on my (zipped-up) jacket. when people asked me (i was <18) "you voted?" I would unzip my jacket, revealing hundreds of i voted stickers on the inside like a cartoon drug dealer and say "yeah a little bit"

Sean McDermott Expresses Gratitude To The People, If You Want To Call Them That, Of Buffalo

Sean McDermott Expresses Gratitude To The People, If You Want To Call Them That, Of Buffalo https://theonion.com/sean-mcdermott-expresses-gratitude-to-the-people-if-you-want-to-call-them-that-of-buffalo/

literal coolest thing ever

after years of uncertainty, ENCHAIN is releasing into Early Access on February 12th!

explore an intertwined, non-linear underworld with expressive platforming and frenetic FPS action.

please wishlist!
store.steampowered.com/app/1396870/...

I hate when I’m riding a bus on a dark moonless highway and all the passengers gradually figure out we died and are trapped in purgatory

Stephen Miller Reminds Picky-Eater Son That There Starving Kids In Basement

Stephen Miller Reminds Picky-Eater Son That There Starving Kids In Basement https://theonion.com/stephen-miller-reminds-picky-eater-son-that-there-starving-kids-in-basement/

Full of joy

now he's no longer here to contradict me, i am ready to announce that a human being couldn't possibly have written a book as ignorant and destructive as "Chariots Of The Gods". aliens wrote this book and EvD just took credit for their work

Do you think she was interviewed in a restaurant and made up her name while looking at her surroundings

i have never met a single person named sherlock or ebenezer

Schrodinger: [playing dead and alive]

Bear: what the hell

guy who thinks "devil's lettuce" means arugula

Vegetarian Greek food restaurant called Don't Meat Your Gyros

god help me I will live to see hegseth behind bars

guy who pronounces ".png" as "dot pinge"

Day 605. Happy new years!

he was a trader joe. she said see you later joe

kinda crazy how we're 365 glorps away from 2027

Times Square used to put a human sacrifice beneath the New Years ball to get crushed to death at exactly midnight. A blood offering to nourish Baby New Year. They stopped doing that in the 1990s though, these days they use a goat

momentous day in glorp history

according to my advent calendar, merry christmas

so distraught