A woman and a man are standing in a cemetery. The man is looking at a tombstone and saying "That's cold." The tombstone reads, "Here lies Mitchell Smith, who 'hated' unnecessary quotation marks, speling errors, the Oxford comma."
I love the Oxford comma. My wife hates it. Somehow we make it work
#spelling #punctuation #english
Two cats are sitting in a coffee shop. One of them, a large tuxedo cat, is saying "I hoped my human would give me a cool nickname, like 'Big Guy' or 'Bruiser.' But 'Chonky Kong'? REALLY?" The other cat is saying, "He does like video games."
Poor guy
#cats
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Two cat mobsters are standing in a room, talking to a cat who's sitting on a couch. One of the mobsters is saying, "That's a nice vase you got there. Would be a shame if something happened to it." On a shelf, there's a beautiful antique vase. The cat on the couch looks nervous.
Just pay them, Oliver
#cats
A dachshund is standing at a lectern on a stage looking out at a crowd of dogs. Behind him, there's a sign that reads "International Small Dogs Conference." The dachshund is saying, "I'm pleased to introduce our keynote speaker, the author of 'What Are YOU Lookin' At? A Guide for Interacting with Big Dogs." Next to him, sitting at a table, is an angry-looking chihuahua.
Four small dogs are sitting in chairs talking to each other. A Dachshund is saying, "I'm not a 'yappy dog'." A Jack Russell Terrier next to him is saying "We CAN be yappy, but it's not who we are!" A Chihuahua is looking down and is saying "This harness I'm wearing was made for a CAT." A Bichon Frise responds, "I'm so sorry, Spencer." The bottom of the cartoon reads "Small Dog Support Group."
A few dachshunds are hanging out at a bar called Dachshund Tavern. One is saying to the bartender, "Dale's drinks tonight are on me. He made it up on the bed today!" Dale is smiling and looking proud.
Three small dogs and one larger dog are sitting in a booth at a restaurant. One of the smaller dogs is looking off to the side and is saying "That Rottweiler is looking at us funny." Another small dog is waving his paw and yelling, "You got a problem, buddy?!" And the third small dog is saying, "Let's destroy his ankles!" The larger dog, a Golden Retriever, is looking slightly worried and thinking "Hanging out with Jack Russell Terriers was a mistake."
Today is National Small Dog Day. Here are a few comics about small dogs 🐶
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#dogs
A cat is sitting in a room talking on her cell phone. She's saying, "I gotta go. It's time for me to stand on my human's desk and listen to people saying how cute I am."
She's on a tight schedule
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#cats
A dog news reporter is standing in a kitchen next to another dog, who looks shocked and disturbed. The reporter is holding a microphone, looking into the camera, and saying "I'm here with Louie, who watched in horror as his human snapped a cookie in half and tried to pass it off as a whole treat." A man is standing in the background, holding a cup of coffee and looking surprised.
Today is National Dog Biscuit Day 🦴
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The two-cat boxsled is the final event
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#cats #olympics
Dog and cat card sightings
#dogs #cats
A bunch of cats are sitting in the stands at an Olympic stadium rink. One cat in the audience is saying to his friend, "These medal ceremonies last forever." On the ice the medal winners are standing on the podium. The silver medal winner just got his medal. He's is bending over and the official is batting the medal that's around his neck.
This will take a while🏅
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Two cats are sitting in a living room. One is holding a pink piece of paper with a heart on it. He's saying, "I wrote this poem for the human: 'This Valentine's Day, I want you to smile. If I have to throw up, I'll do it on tile.'" The other cat says, "It really tugs at the heartstrings."
Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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💯
Three female Muppets, who are wealthy socialites, are sitting at a table having drinks. One is saying, "I just wanted to buy some lobster, not listen to a bunch of grubby little children singing about the letter 'L.'" One of the other Muppets responds, "I NEVER go on that street." The bottom of the comic reads, "At the Sesame Heights Country Club."
They're such snobs
Two cat broadcasters are sitting in a booth watching a Winter Olympics event. One is saying "The biathlon, which combines Zoomies with precision barfing, is extremely difficult and---Ooh, Oscar missed the carpet!" The other broadcaster is saying, "That might cost him the gold." Below them, a cat has just thrown up and it didn't hit the patch of carpet in front of him. There are other cats running in the background.
Cat Biathlon
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Two cat broadcasters are sitting in a booth watching a Winter Olympics event. There are cats in the stands and snowy mountains in the background. One of the broadcasters is smiling and saying "A tight squeeze for the Tuxie, but we're officially underway in the four-cat boxsled!" On the track below, there are four cats sitting in a box, starting their race. A chonky tuxedo cat is in the back of the box, he's barely fitting, and he looks uncomfortable.
It's an Olympics Caturday!
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#cats #olympics
💙
Two cats are sitting in a living room. One looks frustrated and is saying to the other, "I was asleep on the desk chair and the human pushed me off!" The other cat is saying to him "Remember, Clyde...when they go low, we go high on the shelf and break something."
Don't just go high
#cats #cat
A cat is in a sporting goods store, standing in the running shoes section. An employee is asking him, "What kind of running will you be doing? On trails? Pavement?" The cat responds, "In my house, up and down the stairs, at midnight."
Good service at Nine Lives Sports
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A dog is doing a book signing. He's sitting at a table holding a pen and there are a couple of his books on the table. In front of him, another dog is saying, "Your book meant SO much to me. I also got hit by a frisbee." On the wall behind the table, a large sign reads: "Meet the author!" Below that, there's a photo of the book. The cover is a blue frisbee and the title is "Circle of Pain"
My dog wrote a book
#dogs #writing
Sure, go ahead
Two cats, Clyde and Clarence, are in a living room. Clyde is all puffy with his fur sticking up and he's saying to Clarence, "I've been reading the news all morning and now I'm stuck in puffy mode." Clarence is saying "I hate when that happens."
Clyde gets like this a lot
#cats #news
A cat is sitting at a desk in an office, wearing a headset, and talking on the phone. There are other cats at their desks. The cat on the phone is saying, "Sounds like your human is doomscrolling. Jump in her lap and stick your butt in her face. Move, Frankie, MOVE!" The bottom of the comic reads, "Feline Support Center."
Cats help your mental health
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Walz: "We're no longer having a political debate. We're having a moral debate."
There's a special place in hell for everyone in the Trump administration
We want to set the record so he is remembered for what he did. Alex put his body between a woman and imminent danger (murderous thugs(ICE)), and he lost his life.
A cat personal trainer is in a gym talking to his client, who is lying on one of the stairs on the StairMaster machine. He's saying, "Now raise your legs, engage your core, and visualize tripping your human."
That's a good trainer
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#cats #caturday
A cat is standing in front of a classroom. Behind him, the word "Haiku" is written on the whiteboard. The cat is reading his poem, "Still, peaceful morning/Till I'm picked up, smooched, then dropped/ What the hell, Janet? Thank you."
Every year, they do a unit on Haiku
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#cats
Three dogs are sitting in a bar, each holding a drink. One dog, a Siberian Husky, is saying, "Yesterday, I explored a cavern." The dog next to him, a yellow Lab, is saying, "I walked a two-mile tunnel." A small black dog on the right is smiling and saying, "I spent the ENTIRE NIGHT under the covers."
Weekend adventures
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#dogs
