scot³

The waiter let us have the carafe at the end possibly after hearing us mock the restaurant loudly so we cheered him and called him a legend.

We actually missed that trick

Tonight’s restaurant told us they couldn’t leave the water carafe on the table because the owner didn’t like it. Wouldn’t have been so annoying if the water glasses weren’t thimbles!

Where can I get the green lost Mary’s that Lee pace is hoofing in foundation season 3?

Sorry but how has no one done a jacket potato full English combo before

An USHER COVER?!

Uh oh things spiralled

lol it’s like the X factor never went away

Not the child I just passed asking his dad ‘who was England against in the last world war’ like he’s prepping for the next one

Yes please

Emerges from the cloud of smoke in the studio to say she’s going to cover that GFOTY nonsense song in the style of EC

Lana releasing something so dumb and unlistenable makes me like her marginally more.

New drag king name Jacob Rees Mogging

'Being detained at your brother's pleasure' will never not be funny

Whoever started the trend of doing only the new album at concerts and paying dust to the greatest hits… I just wanna talk ok.

Sorry but sleeping has all the hallmarks of an addiction.
- the more you have the more you want
- extreme cases likely to let it affect social life.

Let the old one on The Boyfriend speak a single line challenge.

Not one to grumble about weather as a rule but this relentless wet and dark period is really inflicting maximum psychic damage.

Don’t go

Carrie is not getting the call don’t worry

Can’t believe I waited for a woman to invite me to tag along to one of London’s more notorious cruising spots.

Happy for usher and Kendrick and benito but can the Super Bowl people please remember some womens @s next year

Agog this wasn’t listed already

Oh Phil I love the feeling of being vacuum packed into a hotel bed

Omg has Santa Bunny been?

Sminty drop family resemblance

VOLARE VOLARE

Mariah singing a Eurovision song at the Olympics could maybe have finally gotten me on board with her if it had happened 5 years ago.

Did they mean to say… gooners?

Always quite surprised at the remnants STILL posting screen grabs of their own tweets on insta.