Kellalena

The gap in my resume is from being released into the wild.

The passage of space is when you knock over a drink, fall out of a chair, catch your pants as your suspenders snap off. Kinda sounds like time broke up with you

Unless I get my teeth fixed I caint smile for our divorce pics.

Gimme some of that pound cake <food sext>

Did the crowd catch you?

All the world's a stage, so the fact that I stood up on the table and jumped off while yelling “STAGE DIVE!” isn't an issue, Brenda.

Green olives stuffed with blue cheese

😜

😂

Of deliciousness??

A lot of deliciousness

Do you think that before we had houses, they called them cave flies?

Wife: The dog chewing on her paw sounds so annoying.

Me: Just pretend I'm talking and you won't hear a thing!

I don't sin. I live.

I make up in my head how someone feels about me and believe it.

When I see ppl smoking I think lucky sobs because I quit

no longer allowed to listen to Wake Me Up Before You Go Go while pumping gas

Some days I wish I was a smoker (no, not for meat...well...maybe)

America's Next Top Butthole Skeet

captain anxious and the anxieteers

Just cleaned my feet with a Lysol wipe. Have at me, bro.

Brevity is the soul of wit, so I can already tell you're not going to be brief.

Trump won’t do it
That makes zero sense.
It’s totally backwards.
There’s no way.
Even HE wouldn’t do that.

(Narrator) : “He did it.”

Good …. Noem is out.

What did we expect from a person whose
name is short for “No empathy?”

Kristi Noem “reassigned” to be
Special Envoy for The Shield of the Americas

That sounds suspiciously like a made up
title to save her total humiliation.

I wonder what her next cosplay will be. 🤭

Bush used “Weapons of Mass Destruction”
to start a war.

Now Trump has the “Weapon of Mass
Distraction” war.

Republican presidents have absolutely
failed Americans.

Coffee helps me ignore all the potential problems my brain is making up for the day.

If there's another name that screams more than inbred, genetic misfire, fuckstick like Markwayne, then I haven't heard it.

Yet.

the great thing about the internet is that we have access to so much information

the shit thing about the internet is that we have access to so much information

It’s not all bad, I have slim to none human interaction every day & I very rarely leave the house.