Cazimiz 🌟

My life is filled with so much body horror I should put more of that in the stories I’m telling

PLEASE stop using the term "Middle East"

and start using the less colonial and more geographically appropriate term SWANA (Southwest Asia, North Africa).

Be the change.

Use the term everywhere and let's force the media to have to change as well. 🙏

I don’t have any spots left for readings until May right now - but I do divination over email through my site, including single questions, horaries, and electional astrology all day every day 💕

I deserve a prize for learning how to meditate with terrible breathing problems.

But honestly it’s so hard to sleep like this sometimes, at least I get some sort of rest and for that I’m grateful to my fucking self for figuring this out.

Doesn’t solve everything but whatever takes the edge of yk.

I will note that unfortunately I am incapable of taking comms, as mentioned in the link, so I’m… Mostly stuck having to resort to this rn as a result

Further, I do have other donation links as well which—are here

bsky.app/profile/estr...

Donate to Help a queer disabled artist in leaving Texas, organized by Nyx-Ishtar Celis Hi. Nyx/Ishtar, aka EstrellaDeIshtar here. I... didn't really wa… Nyx-Ishtar Celis needs your support for Help a queer disabled artist in leaving Texas

After swallowing my own pride I’ve gone forward w this—despite how much i hate making these posts

Aims to move out for my own sake & my future are falling through financially
Any donations or even shares are appreciated—it’s been a very difficult spot amidst so much going on.

gofund.me/c03ae8268

Mm I don’t want this one buried in a thread

I spend majority of every day in tachycardia and struggling to breathe.

Yet I put out hundreds of pages of comics in a few years.

Sucks that they had to be taken offline but damn I did that.

The more I reframe the last few years the more emotions I feel. And I may know a lot of emotions but these I don’t have a word for.

Very confused why that post got so much attention but alright

Yeah reach out whenever and if I have tips that can help I’ll give em

The screen is hell, i have to change the screen protector twice a year or so to make sure it’s got enough friction

Screen shot of further thoughts I added on Instagram: The more and more I unpack of the last decade of my life and the last few years in particular the angrier I get. I keep telling myself “it wasn’t that bad” and then I remember that forcing myself to brush off mistreatment is a good chunk of the entire fucking problem. It’s taken me a very long time to understand and internalize this lesson for all that it’s worth and with every new step I lose more people who want me to fulfill some sort of role they’ve assigned me without my knowing. People who take my refusal to do so as a personal attack. It’s like they all share the same playbook at this point. Good news is I’ve finally realized what part I actually played in allowing those relationships to culminate that far. Better news is I that means I can more confidently say that how a LOT of people (of all different abilities and backgrounds) treated me through this horrifying and tragic life crisis was fucked up in so many ways.

I’m human. I am not a little person who lives in your phone. I’m not whatever you decided I was 3 years ago. I have a complex life even when you skip over my messages or twist my words to suit your bias. I may be bed bound but I am not bound to the box you feel most comfortable with putting me in.

And like. I can be fucking grateful for baseline days and still not assign them an inflated positive association. Multiple facets of an experience can exist within a human simultaneously. I can be grateful and miserable at the same time. I’m so tired of people forcing me into singularity.

How you exist in your body and the language you provide yourself to understand and express it can dramatically skew your understanding of the world and self worth. It’s just fucked up okay. It’s really fucked up.

“Be kind to yourself”

Brutal work if the kindness you receive = “not inflicting harm”

“Suffering” = a baseline in language and concepts
“not suffering” = positive, rare, and a privilege to be given
“Suffer more than usual” = not that bad

directly translated into accepting mistreatment and feeling indebted to basic decency. Not to mention self worth in output

Which then of course was exacerbated by and unto my interpersonal and professional relationships.

There were probably many times I came close to dying the last few years that I brushed off as a “bad day” because I forced myself to see things overly positive.

But I think that was harmful to myself. My baseline was suffering. So it was easy to accept more without fuss.

Having to explain to people that I don’t have “good days” I have *baseline* and then symptom flares from baseline.

Idc if it sounds pessimistic but being able to exist comfortably with basic bodily functions shouldn’t be a “good” day. The psychological damage to that is extreme.

Rare moment of being candid about my health. There were many points the last few years where I felt like “I’m dying” and told myself it was hyperbole. But the older I get and more I gain resource to manage symptoms so I can get perspective on severity, I realized, it was a very accurate assessment.

I can offer more insight if you ever want it but yeah if you need 100+ layers on that big of a canvas it’s possible but complicated (I do it, so the workflow is manageable to me, but it would probably seem like a pain at first)

Also why it physically feels shitty to draw on an iPad

Go fund me link with donation goal is in the thread

Y’all please help give this a boost or donate if you can, Nyx needs our help they’ve been fighting alone for way too long

Support Estrella De Ishtar Support Estrella De Ishtar

Didn’t wanna resort to this.
Financial plans are falling through for moving to heal & to pursue my studies—& medical expenses are hard despite having a job

So any donations/shares/etc are appreciated;;

Paypal: www.paypal.com/pool/9l4FCF6...
Venmo: @estrelladeishtar
Ko-fi: ko-fi.com/estrelladeis...

I hate post nap sad hours. Like what do you mean my body forced me to fall asleep and now my mood is wrecked too?

These “debt collection” agencies who don’t disclose the actual account owners are so predatorryyyyyy. It’s fuckin freaking me out.

Being the only person I know who knows anything about speaking to debt collectors but all of my information being based on a single 20 min call with a consumer rights lawyer is so daunting. I really hope I don’t shoot myself in the foot by accident.

MHC may be gone but Cazimiz will prevail

Original(:

GMing my first campaign with a friend and I’m having so much fun