Not A Crab Yet

Diarrhea so bad it feels like I’m shooting lasers out of my ass

Twerking to Paul McCartney’s Wonderful Christmastime

I love to be told that feminism has failed women by women whose careers and ability to flourish in public life, let alone have a credit card, only exist because of feminism

Glep from smiling friends in the frame in which he’s described as having a raw bad boy edge

I love how they gave Glep a hot wife. He has that raw bad boy edge

more things should be frog shaped

A screenshot of a text: the worst is wanting to create and create and create but being trapped in anybody that is so so so tired

Story of my life.

I’m so done with everything

Hissing at the sun early in the morning so I can go back to sleep

The neighbor is upset with me because I built a nest and laid eggs in his tool shed.

Today’s plan:

*pronounces tomatoes like comatose*

Pope Leo in full white pope outfit, eyes closed, looking like he's crooning into a microphone he's holding.

I like big butts and I cannot lie
you other brothers can't deny
that when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
and a round thing in your face you get sprung

I can't wait for grandma's baked microplastics casserole and famous forever chemical gravy 🤤

Your secret is safe with the black void that is my mind

If I were in Ocean’s 11, I’d be stealing some otters from the zoo

Sorry, I can’t. I’ll be burying my face in a bag of croutons

Farts so bad that you look for poop, snd question if your dog is violating The Geneva Convention.

why are they called eyelids when skindows was right there

Sometimes I feel like I’m not big enough to be considered megafauna

I don't believe that you could, in any meaningful way, restrain a 7 foot tall Danny Devito.

I am become microplastics

That translates to "Jewish whore"... This was NOT a GenZ protest like the ones in Nepal, Morocco and Madagascar...

Thousands protest crime and corruption in Mexico City as 'Gen Z' protests gain momentum Thousands of people in Mexico City are protesting crime, corruption and impunity. The protest Saturday, organized by Generation Z, gained strong support from older opposition party members.

Ya entendí quién era el público objetivo de la protesta Gen Z... Periodistas extranjerxs huevonxs.

Why does Saudi Arabia want to build an Eye of Sauron stadium?

Idk, the Bermuda Triangle sounds pretty relaxing right now

A man is chased through a tunnel by a malicious waterfowl.

John's calves burned with each step, and a sharp pain pierced his abdomen. As he neared the safety of daylight, the sound of webbed feet slapping concrete grew louder. He risked a look over his shoulder, and found himself staring directly into the beady eyes of fate. He screamed.