Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn't made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
04.03.2026 13:17
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The device will work much better, if you turn it on.
03.03.2026 23:53
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I got up so early this morning it was still yesterday
02.03.2026 13:56
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I eat bran cereal every morning I guess I'm just a regular guy
02.03.2026 13:54
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Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone
01.03.2026 14:54
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The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
01.03.2026 14:53
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I never make the same mistakes twice, I make it five or six times just to be sure.
26.02.2026 14:21
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I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.
24.02.2026 14:36
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When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
24.02.2026 14:35
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I’m in no shape to exercise.
22.02.2026 19:06
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The trouble with life is there's no background music.
22.02.2026 19:05
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According to WebMD, I'm Sick & Tired of people.
21.02.2026 15:53
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By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game.
21.02.2026 15:52
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I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
20.02.2026 14:32
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If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
15.02.2026 17:42
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What do you get when you cross a cow with a duck?
Milk and quackers.
14.02.2026 17:17
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Roses are red
Violets are blue
It's cold outside and I love you
14.02.2026 17:14
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There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
13.02.2026 00:22
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I’m a responsible person. People are always saying “I know you’re responsible for this.”
10.02.2026 14:16
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The most frustrating thing I've ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
09.02.2026 14:01
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Artificial plants grow best in artificial light
08.02.2026 15:37
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What do you call a cow bouncing on a trampoline.. A dairy air.
07.02.2026 18:55
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Doctor's office: All our records are electronic now just fill out these 12 forms.
05.02.2026 13:04
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The family that sticks together should bathe more often.
05.02.2026 13:03
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Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can't remember the lyrics.
03.02.2026 13:47
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That moment when you pour yourself a bowl of cereal and discover there's no milk. So you just sit there, wondering why bad things happen to good people?
02.02.2026 15:58
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The kids text me "plz" Because it's shorter than "please". I text back "no" because it's shorter than "yes"
02.02.2026 15:57
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Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
01.02.2026 13:59
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Some people are like a newspaper, every day they have a new issue.
01.02.2026 13:58
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Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn't stop coloring till 2 o'clock this morning.
31.01.2026 15:00
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