The failure of Christian leaders to exercise godly power, withholding it in the face of sin, abuse, tyranny, or oppression, is to sin against a holy God for whom we have been complicit. We are a silent oppressor instead.
The thoughts, feelings, and pain of the victim do not matter. Healing from such trauma will require much TALK, TEARS, and TIME.
Trauma from sexual abuse occurs when normal responses, like calling for help or finding comfort in relationships, do not work. Power is robbed, dignity is stolen, and shaming helplessness occurs.
Clergy sexual abuse is not an affair; pedophilia is not about struggling with difficult circumstances; molesting adolescents is not about a struggling marriage. Such things must be called by their right names—the abuser needs to be held responsible for his/her abusive behavior.
Calling a place a “house of God” doesn’t make it a sanctuary. Many carry heavy burdens from lies and wounds that have come from those who claim that they are part of the household of God.
#WhentheChurchHarmsGodsPeople
No system and no leader can satisfy the human soul. The well from which we drink should not be a captivating preacher or a certain kind of worship experience. Nothing and no one can represent God accurately except by a likeness to Jesus Christ.
You do not need to be extraordinary. You need to be the ordinary inhabited by the extraordinary life of God. A word, a meal, or a cup of cold water has the capacity to bring the life of God to this world and delight His heart.
An abuser commonly fails to direct their repentance toward God but instead directs it toward people whose good favor the accused wishes to receive. Repentance is defined by Paul as an intensely Godward sorrow that fashions transformation (2 Cor. 7:10).
A repentant heart shows empathy for those who have been wronged and damaged by my sin; an awareness that the sin is against the goodness and holiness of God, not merely a behavioral aberration that got me in trouble. A repentant heart desires to make restitution.
Vulnerable ones need a voice. They are, however, the most easily discounted by virtue of their very vulnerability. We sadly tend to give more credibility to those who are articulate and seem important to sustaining the system.
God’s purpose is not to build up spectacular ministries or display brilliant minds or articulate tongues or pleasing, arresting personalities. God’s purpose is to make us, you and me, like His Son. It is the only outcome that brings glory to the Father.
We want those suffering to think what we think, choose what we would choose, understand what we see, and live more like we do. We want them to leave their depression, sorrow, or grief behind and “get over it.” You can only help people by first entering into their darkness.
For some this suffering will last decades. Can you let him or her grieve, weep, and ask questions? Can you endure with them what they have no choice but to endure? You will get tired of their illness and limitations—so will they. Grief does not come in neat packages.
The grief from a chronic illness is relentless. An inability to do what one’s heart longs to do and medication side effects that cause more debilitation are grieved. Sleep suffers, pain must be endured, and basic daily care of his/her body absorbs more and more energy.
After a chronic illness is diagnosed, everyone comes around the sick person. As time passes, it is easy to forget or think, "Surely it is not that bad. Is it in their head?” But over time they will watch life be eroded by the disease as it eats away at their body and capacities.
The most powerful lie of all is the lie that contains a likeness to the truth in some way. It is how we lull others and ourselves into believing what we prefer to hear instead of believing what is true.
Words spoken cannot be assumed to be truth, even when they are repeated many times and are believed by many people. They are truth when we see them lived out in private and public life.
Repentance is not seen in tears; it is not seen in words; it is not seen in emotion. Repentance is long, slow, consistent change over an extended period of time because it is from the heart outward. Heart change is supernatural work.
The work of the church is not the call to ministry. Our true work is that of manifesting likeness to Christ in all things, whether in success or failure, criticism, or praise. If numbers, growth, and fame were God’s measures, then Jesus would be deemed a failure.
Neither grace nor forgiveness means letting people do what they want or giving them what they feel they must have. Grace is not a lack of restrictions. In fact, sometimes the thing that is most grace-filled is restriction.
Do not dismiss the power or destructive capacity of either verbal or emotional abuse. Do not think you cannot kill a soul with words alone. You can wound or kill a soul by many means—the lack of physical scars does not mean abuse is not occurring.
We should be humbled in the presence of many who love Jesus in spite of a long history of prejudice and evil, often done in God’s name and with a twisting of His words. Our work is to listen, learn from, grieve with, walk with, and be changed to look more like our Lord.
Christianity does not look like praying and singing and giving money while ignoring the screams, unspeakable suffering, filth, and death of others. Christianity is not calling others *them*— somehow unlike us, not human, deserving of their suffering.
When God’s people refuse to enter the costly suffering of the abused or expose those who abuse, they align with the perpetrators, who saw their victims as insignificant and unworthy.
People who are suffering long for help and comfort. We have all experienced this in times of pain. It is an open door for the church to bend down, like her Lord bent down for us, and enter in with wise, gentle, self-sacrificing, and practical ongoing care.
No matter the words used to describe it, a system is ungodly if it is not governed by truth and love. ANYTHING done in the name of God that does not bear His character throughout is actually not of Him.
Deception happens when we see what we long for—and it blind us to the truth of what is.
May we know Christ so well that we can discern what is unlike Him no matter the seductive or religious garb it wears.
Worshiping God means, in Jesus’ name, listening and attending to those who are suffering.
You do not need to be extraordinary. You need to be ordinary, inhabited by the extraordinary life of God. A word, a meal, or a cup of cold water has the capacity to bring the life of God to this world and delight His heart.
The essence of working with trauma survivors is about bearing witness to their story and suffering, entering in, and demonstrating in the flesh the heart of God toward them and the evil they experienced. In doing so, you bring to their lives a reversal of the dynamics of abuse.
