Spank The Monkey

Spank’s LFF Diary: The Wrap Party 2025 It’s been well over four months since I last saw the LFF2025 trailer: I think I’m just about ready to hear this one more time. (Or at least its John Lewis Christmas Advert version.)

This, I believe, is the most delayed thing you'll ever read about the 2025 London Film Festival. spank-the-monkey.co.uk/2026/03/07/s...

A truncated notification from YouTube, specifically the Off Menu podcast feed: "Is Chris Packham a bit of a cu..."

The expanded version of the notification reads "Is Chris Packham a bit of a curmudgeon?"

Well, that was disappointing

My guitar is always in tune because it’s my band

A photo of entertainers Little and Large. Large’s face has been blanked out and a question mark placed over it.

this photo leaves little to the imagination

Oh now I get it. Dubai is Golgafrinchan Ark B.

Simian Substitute Site for March 2026: Monkey Mart MONTH END PROCESSING FOR FEBRUARY 2026 Comedy: Just before Christmas 2024, we saw Andrew O’Neill perform what was, I believe, the first work-in-progress of his show Andrew O’Neill&#8217…

March's first-of-the-month post - aside from the usual recommendations - also has links to ten songs, one complete comedy gig and a free game. Bargain! spank-the-monkey.co.uk/2026/03/01/s...

Simian Substitute Site for March 2026: Monkey Mart MONTH END PROCESSING FOR FEBRUARY 2026 Comedy: Just before Christmas 2024, we saw Andrew O’Neill perform what was, I believe, the first work-in-progress of his show Andrew O’Neill&#8217…

March's first-of-the-month post - aside from the usual recommendations - also has links to ten songs, one complete comedy gig and a free game. Bargain! spank-the-monkey.co.uk/2026/03/01/s...

Never have I witnessed a small dog trailing a chain of sausages escaping an angry Butcher, or a plump child rewarded by the Vicar, with a gigantic plate of mashed potato & sausages. We've been lied to for years. Children's comics are corporate propaganda for Big Sausage.

That Twin Peaks title meme but for Burnistoun.

mike tyson's full name is mike thank you son

okay, here it is, the five key takeaways from this by-election:

1. Denton Kebab House
2. The Crispy Cod, Denton
3. Reddish Tandoori, Gorton
4. Cottage Chippy, Gorton
5. The Continental Takeaway, Denton

The Old Lifeboat House | Family Restaurant This restaurant carries on the spirit of The Waterside Meadery, which sadly closed after 55 years of family-run service. Though smaller in size, the new owners have worked hard to preserve the beloved...

The meadery closed down last year, sadly, but they moved all the good bits to a smaller restaurant. www.oldlifeboathouse.co.uk#story

Half Man Half Biscuit - Arthur's Farm [Official Audio] YouTube video by Half Man Half Biscuit

There's a Half Man Half Biscuit song for every occasion. youtu.be/25zWJ90P-vE

we finally reached the end of this calendar event i accidentally made 12 years ago

If he's talking about Andrew Ranken he can get completely to fuck.

Happy birthday, George Harrison!

"2026 is the year of the horse"

The horse: youtu.be/Fz4ggXXNaA0

The Nancy cartoon by Caroline Cash in which Sluggo complains about his new job that 'they pay me in WOIMS' (spelt w-o-i-m-s for you screen reader people).

Knowing Me, Knowing You: #JFTFP26 It’s almost as if the Japan Foundation know that the first paragraph of any review I write of their annual Touring Film Programme will be dedicated to taking the piss out of that year’s…

It's Japan Foundation Touring Film Programme time again (or #JFTFP26 for short): here are reviews of 7/26ths of the films. spank-the-monkey.co.uk/2026/02/22/k...

Shit! Them! Sorry!

The empty stage of the 100 Club. On the left, a backdrop of a leather jacket bearing the title Andrew O'Neill's History Of Punk. On the right, a mic stand. It's the interval, he's not there.

Currently having a splendid time with @andrewoneillcomedy.bsky.social, whose History Of Punk show has developed magnificently from the WIP I saw him do a year and a bit ago.

Reposting for Lee's birthday.

Suddenly remembering the Fishtank Or Window Debates of 2002.

I imagine it was extremely disturbing

She's the main man in her office in the city
And she treats me like I'm just another lackey
But I can put a tennis racquet up against my face
And pretend that I am Kendo Nagasaki

do u think during the industrial revolution people thought the factory was their boyfriend

Trois (+1) Nuits à Paris Previously: Christmas in Reims is all well and good, but you can’t get there directly on a Eurostar. So let’s make one minor correction to my earlier report: we made the briefest of sto…

Paris: city of lovers. Also: city of inappropriate musicals, cinematic anniversaries, and catastrophic power failures. spank-the-monkey.co.uk/2026/02/14/t...

POP FACT: Everyone who watched The Beatles on the Ed Sullivan show died one week later, due to CBS accidentally booking John, Paul, George and Ringu

Trois (+1) Nuits à Paris Previously: Christmas in Reims is all well and good, but you can’t get there directly on a Eurostar. So let’s make one minor correction to my earlier report: we made the briefest of sto…

Paris: city of lovers. Also: city of inappropriate musicals, cinematic anniversaries, and catastrophic power failures. spank-the-monkey.co.uk/2026/02/14/t...

A K-beauty store whose name is spelt M O I D A. It's only just occurred to me that if you're using a screen reader, merely saying the name Moida isn't going to cut it.

This is my boss — Jonathan Hart, a self-made millionaire. He's quite a guy.
This is Mrs. H — she's gorgeous. She's one lady who knows how to take care of herself.
By the way, my name is Max. I take care of both of them — which ain't easy; 'cause when they met, it was