Topical Reference Pun

Everything I say should be considered legal advice and I am licensed to provide therapy.

I have a funny relationship with my ex.

I’m telling every Gen Z person about how The Offspring is problematic so that guys like Ben Shapiro have to pretend to have always liked them

Gonna go up to HR and tell them that my paychecks are none of their business.

I made the mistake of checking my client's Facebook and at first it was just really amusing but now I feel the need to document and contact my supervisor lolololol

Happy birthday to one of my favourite haters, Charles Darwin

I'm watching the biathlon and these poor women are missing two shots and the commentators are going "Aw, such a shame, no way she gets a medal now." It's making me sad.

Green Day was underwhelming. The game is underwhelming. Everything is very meh.

I am just pointing out that if Ilhan Omar had a gundam it wouldn't have gone down like that, it would have somehow been even more impressive

They're good for protecting your ears in a scrum, but research shows they make negligible difference in preventing concussions. I'll wear one if it's cool and I'm playing 15s, but this video was during Summer 7s. They're pretty rare in 7s. I think one guy on the other team has one.

Ah, that's called a scrum cap. I guess it depends on your definition of "helmet." They're all soft padding without anything hard, so I don't consider them a helmet.

You don't wear helmets in rugby.

hey folks, six figure opinion columnist here and gotta say, made a big ol’ whoopsie on the most consequential and honestly, probably the most obvious opinion of my life. thats my bad. anyway, guess I’ll just keep getting paid to give my opinion, thanks for reading

This is courage. Looking a masked, government fascist dead in the eye, face to face, knowing full well that your life is on the line.

If elected officials had 1/10th of Alex Pretti's resolve, we would have far fewer troubles.

i do genuinely think we need to jail every single person currently working for ICE

everything sucks all the time now, even the stuff that’s good

one of the worst accounts on twitter and now on here is askaubry and i will go to my deathbed saying so. nobody should follow a person who puts their OWN watermark on someone else's sexual assault story

Renee Nicole Good was 37. She was murdered by an ICE agent in the street in broad daylight. What really happened to her will not be forgotten, minimized, or ignored.

Apparently this is what my (latina) ex has me saved as.

Went out for the game and just got denied service wtf

This sucks. more like post-good-performance malone am I right

Was lying in bed and AIM-9 Sidewinder Missile decided to launch off my dresser and land on my face.

If people at work don't stop replying to all I'm going to find the server farm and destroy it.

Try me. Ping 90 people to say "I filled out the survey!" or "Thanks for letting me know!" one more god damn time.

i am tired of earth. these people. i am tired of their exploding kittens and fluency in sarcasm

charlie kirk died the way he lived: filling my timeline with charlie kirk posts

Yeah okay well maybe buying vinyl is the only thing that still consistently brings me happiness. Did you think of that? Huh? Huh?

DR. MANHATTAN: It’s July, 2025. I’m on Bluesky arguing about DoorDash.

DR. MANHATTAN: It’s October, 2023. I’m on X arguing about DoorDash.

DR. MANHATTAN: It’s March, 2019. I’m on Twitter arguing about DoorDash.

DR. MANHATTAN: It’s 2015. I’m downloading a new delivery app to my phone.

Got a good one at this weekend's rugby tournament.