Charlie the McCrackin

Preemptive retaliation is oxymoronic. Basing a war on the idea is regular moronic

War, what is it good for? Top of the list: Using up extra guys

So you all knew I was self-destructing, and not one of you asked me about or like said goodbye? That’s wild.

Just checked and it looks like my self-destruct sequence was initiated at some point and has been ticking down this whole time. Isn’t there supposed to be a lady with an overhead announcement?

What, did you fall in a hole? I’ve been waiting at the Old Mill Road location since they opened

Starting to worry I will never meet The One*

*a person who will push me down the stairs

Now she can spend more time with her hobbies

The state of the world now is great for cancelling plans or missing deadlines. You can just shake your head and be like, “With everything going on…” or “In times like these…” and no one can say shit

Not having a ton of luck on dating apps because my bio says “ISO non-gross person of any gender who likes having sex with me and tells me what to do with my life and the things they tell me to do are things I like and when I do the things my life gets better Go Pack Go.”

She wishes. My first thought was don’t mess with perfection, but do as thou wilt is the whole of the law

When life doesn’t give you tomatoes, make a bacon lettuce and honeydew sandwich

A pretty cool amateur pencil sketch by everyone’s favorite man about town, Charlie McCrackin

Just doodled this at work but I lowkey kinda like it

Nobody ever mentions when a movie is preapocalyptic

Bummer but at least it’s going to another Irish-American

Just did a quick-apply using my resume on file. Throwing my hat in the ring to be new supreme leader over in Iran

🙏 Now I lay me down to bed,
Mandela Machine upon my head.
Since this world seems almost done,
I’m gonna try to wake up in another one.

If you’re on a gay hookup app and your profile says you’re into fisting, you can remove “curious” from your bio

Lotta people say if they had a time machine they go back in time and kill baby Hitler, and I think I would do that too, not to stop the holocaust, but because it seems like probably the best chance I’d ever have to kill a baby without getting canceled

All new COLLEGE TOWN feat. @charliemccrackin.bsky.social & Fiona Landers!

Hosted by Jan & Beebo (me & Seth Morris!) Grinding stumps and leaving wives plus! Jan uses a new body part!

Produced by @scottaukerman.bsky.social @brettmorris.bsky.social @cbbworld.bsky.social

www.comedybangbangworld.com

Hey hey hey, don’t be so quick to put the house lights up on these Wuthering Heights credits. Some of us are blubbering in the dark. At least give me a warning so I can put my face on.

For over a thousand years I thought “I Will Always Love You” was being sung to a bitter, sweet man, Maurice.

I think the Indiana Bears has a nice ring to it. Not a Super Bowl ring, but…

But what did the Supreme Court say about the tariffs I imposed on my neighbor Gary importing dog crap to my lawn?

My friends, family and attorneys are all pleading with me to stop making public statements that I’m “unkidnappable” yet here I am again

A therapist once suggested instead of having a goal to maybe someday meet a woman who would tolerate my being bisexual, I could actually meet and date women who find that attractive and I said SHYEAH RIGHT

I only use self rising flour because I believe in pulling yourself up by the bootstraps

When I give you the signal, push me down the stairs, and this needs to look like an accident so remember to say whoops

Nope sorry I thought it was understood the container is over a decade old

Job applications never ask how many of other people’s licenses and certifications I’ve revoked. What are they afraid of?

Oops I ate two Cool Whip containers of Kix for supper