Daisy

Right? Or cost of living

They should invent water that isn't obsessed with my cuffs

True love in this dystopian hellscape?
How exquisite.

or if you ask “is that it?”

Guys don't like it when you call their penis a manhandle. Booo

When I shake my ass it isn’t art or seduction, it’s probably a medical emergency.

Me: Women in their 40s fuck better

Boss: I meant, do you have anything relevant to this staff meeting?

I don't judge you for your skin color, your religion, or who you let touch your bathing suit places.
But I will judge your dirty microwave.

Some people are just meant to find each other, and someday, somewhere, somehow they always do. Slipping into each other’s lives so naturally, making both hearts so happy. ❤️

yesss 😂😂

Or…..the real mission impossible

Me, pitching my passion project “Ok so. It‘s a documentary about women trying to date and talk to men In 2026. Think …..Grizzly Man”

Kitten cleanser.

why are taters the only thing we’ve totted

rereading a text ten times
before i send it. the text: k

a gofundme but for reposts

I'm high on life! <derogatory>

If I can see what you see..me without my glasses.

More of you. Less of everything.

there should be a “hiding in a nebula” in real life

(looking at my Rolling Stone album covered in moss) Jimi Hendrix lied to me

Panic! in the panic room. fully expected

maybe tomorrow i’ll have that banger i can get rich off selling merch

broke down and got 32 toothbrushes

as the dalai lama once said: give a wham give a bam but don’t give a damn

new murder weapon for Clue: the pizza cutter

Every skeet is about you.

And you.

Yes you too.

And you in the back.

Oh, I’ve not forgotten you either.

I didn’t think this administration could get any dumber, yet here we are.

Just sitting over here in horny lucidity.

Some of my best work is still pretty terrible.