cig gf

i’ve enjoyed working adult psych so far

there’s no truer romance than a guy looking in a mirror, shattering it, and gouging his eyes out literally bc he saw someone else looking at his girl

hate when pepperoncini squirt on me

sick little bb that only can muster the energy to order chili w/ onions and put on a maniacal children’s choir in the background

i would absolutely let someone sell me on an MLM scheme and hang out w/ my family after if their name were something like boz scaggs

i think it should be legal to give game show contestants drugs of their choice on live television

i’ve never felt so alive

kid doesn’t want to watch casper the friendly ghost and gets extremely pissed, ends up in seclusion. another gets agitated, another an asthma attack, another swipes badge almost elopes, another clotheslines nurse and her head bounces, same kid throws piss and shit everywhere bc he cant have bubbles

the federal government needs to focus on the important issues like legislating increased support and funding for the entry of more DJs into society

snippy jersey matriarch type in the 1990s — ‘who put the crab in _her_ soup!!?’

fake newport packs of cigs

my buddy had a dream about "newport snows" which where like, spearmint, not menthol
so i made it for him in photoshop
and got carried away

drafting a 10,000 word essay titled ‘the death of milkshake duck’

you will never guilt me. disgusting little worm

i have looked
the gift horse
in the mouth

and which
you were probably
saving your k
for the festival

forgive me
it was delirious
so sweet
i was in a hole

beautiful sisyphean bb,,,

Boy Cock Girl Cock E I E I O YouTube video by Joe Plays Games

youtu.be/mrw51_iJ_4g?...

wdyt larry david was saying???

i kinda want this badly to wear to a wedding, but the dress code is unfortunately ‘formal disco’ and not ‘bene gesserit prom’ 😤

if i’d never bought a pack of cigarettes, id have enough money to buy like 500 fewer packs of cigarettes

i met anubis in the realm of the underworld, big strong guy by the way, had a dog’s head, i’m not so sure about that. and he said to me, mr president, you’ve got the heaviest soul we’ve ever weighed down here. can you believe it? they’ve never seen a soul that heavy in all of duat

god gave us holes for hunger

girl dinner is 8oz of teriyaki beef jerky, 3 16oz pink lady apple kombuchas, garden fresh hot salsa + stone ground chips, 1 roll of tuna nigiri + wasabi, a mint chocolate klondike bar, and 200mg of boofed prog

the pilot just announced he’s going to use chatgpt to make his flight announcement, and it’s just as fucking bad as that sounds

cig gf

a block away, there’s a guy that’s been honking exactly like conor o’malley’s horny guy in ITYSL for the past 15 minutes. it’s coming from a different direction every few minutes

been feeling work-gender lately

‘birdo? is it like a girl yoshi?’
tender football jock: ‘birdo is actually like a trans icon’
other teens, collectively nodding: ‘ahhh, okay’

eat, drink, and be gay

reminiscing on how i played alto sax in middle school band largely bc i identified the most w/ lisa simpson

metric system cuck

working up the gumption to become one of the Jam Band Girls Who Always Spin On The Grass