RP

@jonhendren.com relative of yours?

Donald Trump looking like a boiled doll with his eyes barely open.

Trump in the SCIF pics he posted is doing some of the most overtly 2:12am Going Back For More Olive work of his life.

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

You know in movies where they kinda wipe their hand gently over the face of a dead guy and it closes their eyes. It would be a good gag if they did that on a guy with glasses. Either his eyes close or the glasses turn into sunglasses.

Mike F @mikefossey *Follow Judge: Now wait a second Mike. if the other players were hacking, wouldn't that make their kills on you unfair? Me: That's right your honor. RETWEETS 531 LIKES 1,820 8:15 pm - 20 Jul 2014

RIP Mike F.

these old ladies boarded the quiet car and have been yapping non stop. Do i dare

something to keep in mind for the holidays

just saw a promo for a new food show called Everything on the Menu and it was a clip of a guy going “That’s why I’m ordering EVERYTHING ON THE MENU.” god bless america

it’s like Anthony Bourdain said: once you’ve been to San Francisco, you’ll never stop wanting to beat Marc Andreessen to death with your bare hands

we at @thequeenofsauce.bsky.com do not endorse this statement and claim indemnity from anyone who chooses to give credence to it. Thank you

there are five main excuses men give for things stuck in their butt:

1. I fell on it
2. I was bored
3. I was drunk
4. My girlfriend did it
5. I did it as a joke

so I respect this man for at least telling the truth

2025 list is out. What that guy said: defector.com/what-did-we-...

i will close out this thread by admitting that your humble narrator did in fact go to urgent care literally one week ago today because there was a condom stuck in her. i didn’t put it there, but still: Things happen to the best of us. Merry Christmas everyone

occasionally the reports include what’s impossible to not read as dry editorialization by the medical staff. Those are a favorite

This sort of thing is happening all around us. The next time you see a neighbor mowing his lawn just think: “He could have a dildo stuck in his ass. He could have put it there 2 days ago.”

the only thing more embarrassing than having to go to the ER to have anal beads removed is having it be a false alarm because you were too drunk to remember what you did

many of these also make me feel better about never having children

Back to orifices. Somehow, this was under Rectum

“kicked in the testicles by a pit bull” >>>>>>>>>> “for sale: baby shoes, never worn”

i remember showing this to my friend joe at the time and i recall we agreed that if we saw something like this happen to someone in real life we would never recover

there’s also the one they run on New Year’s Day which is just a list of penis injuries. i admit my anatomy may bias me but i read these and i laugh until i sob

baddie alert

(a la mission of burma) That’s When I Swallow My Computer

Rectum. Brother, you know why.

Throat. judging by the comments this one flew under the radar, but the visual image of this? come on

it’s almost time for my favorite christmas tradition: defector’s “what did americans get stuck in their orifices this year” post. reading old ones to get hyped up

he yearns for a taste of peru

what psychiatric thing is it when i can’t sleep with anybody without it ruining my life in several different ways for several weeks to a year

first i thought this place was too horny. now i dont think it’s horny enough