PT: I've put straight leg sled push on, push only through your toes. 1.5 lengths, very light weight
Me: is that it? Sounds a bit easy
Me, after 0.5 lengths: WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS OH MY GOD IT DOESN'T MOVE AND IT'S LIKE 90,000 STEPS
PT: it's almost like I know what I'm doing
Yes
Same
I went to splash some aftershave onto myself and somehow it was a mini bottle of gin? Like... How did that even get onto the shelf?
I was tired, I genuinely thought we were talking about another kid, not my nephew/neice to be.
1, 4, 2, 6, 5, 7, 3
No but given I did the first one as a gesture the other will definitely expect it. Got a Reform-esque "don't have kids if you can't afford them" locked and loaded.
So I'm gonna be an uncle again. And, just like that, 50% of my siblings are parents. Once more I'm glad I haven't lived at home in 20 years. The side-eye will be unbearable.
I just know twin will very quickly start saying "you set up an account for <sister's son>, why not my kid?" until I do.
Determined to make it to 40 before the grey hairs on my head become visible to others...
9 months... Come onnnnnnnn
What?
MPs already have job offers the moment they're elected, thats why they hit the ground lobbying
"I know we're meant to be the board of peace, but really I'm just getting bored of peace" 😭
Around my neck and in my desk draw, usually
I haven't had a wallet since before turkey
Wheeey your bank details were still saved in my app from Turkey 😂
The gym staff and guests are noting how frequently they have complaints over women taking equipment into the newly-built "women's only workout space" and not returning them.
I mean, who could have possibly predicted this. If only there was a way to ensure everyone had equal access to equipment.
Well there's holiday money not being sent.
(I forgot, I have set an alarm for after I leave the gym 💀)
In this occasion I did not. There was a follow-up that didn't send. And then I realised, laughed, and cancelled it to keep the bait
Going to sleep now, at 9.30, because why not.
Wait when did you even move here 😂 also... Freeballers? 👀
Duck face with the rubber ducks
Awww :(
Hate when you put a load in and afterwards you notice you've got another on yourself, that you could have shoved in, too
This... Is a lot. Like... I can't even connect the dots here. Is she OK 😂
I mean... That happens every event anyway. Comète strangers ask.
ThiccetMaster
A comedian I saw on instagram the other day said "gays will do anything for cheap and free sold-out tickets... Except buy them when they're available". It's true 😂
Lad who kept asking me for free event tickets, because I was fucking him, gets "faux" mad at me because I won't do it, now I'm not
And the other who wants me to get him event tickets, so he will *then* let me fuck him, is back in my DMs
Gets get a modicum of self-respect and awareness, I beg
Settle this for me, lads.
If I woke up and decided to go back to sleep for an extra hour and a half, that's a full sleep, right? Not a snooze?
Trying to argue that my daily target of 'get out of bed without snoozing' has been fulfilled. I didn't put off gettig out of bed, I had surplus time.
