Senile Don Draper

Tough times make hard men.
Hard men make good times.
Cialis.

Michelob Ultra. Don’t feed it after midnight.

Michelob Ultra. If you hit one with a hammer it turns into a six pack of Hamms.

Michelob Ultra. A beer for people who only get found after the snow thaws.

Michelob Ultra. It’s You can’t spell “a rat taint” without “ultra.”

Michelob Ultra. Think of a beer. Because that’s as close as you’re getting to one tonight.

Hormel®. What is it? That's the Hormel® question. Get a full sack of Hormel® today.

It's all over, America. We've finally made a potato chip that you can fuck.

I only watch commercials for the Super Bowl.

At Verizon, we hate you.

Verizon. The only fully integrated 7G whatever-the-fuck.

The only phones with that perfect Verizon crunch. Verizon.

"Verizon." Say it three times in a mirror and Candyman comes.

more pitching less bitching, Peggy, there are no bad ideas

Heineken. The Heineken of beers.

Dunkin’ Donuts. We took the “ugh” out of “doughnut” and put it into your coffee.

Firestone. You can’t eat just one.

Inside you are two wolves. Both want a Pepsi®.

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.

You can get everything from guns to shovels ... at Walmart.

Fudge. It’s like chocolate for idiots and schoolchildren. Paid for by the American Fudge Farmers of America.

This Superbowl, give her the gift she's been waiting for: a car made of cheeseburgers, paid for with an AI-managed crypto featuring Snoop Dogg

Superbowl: America her so good.

What brings us all together is greater than what divides us. Soylant Green. Bringing everyone together.

There's nothing like the crisp refreshing taste of Valvoline.

Valvoline. On the road of life, there are drivers and there are drinkers ... of Valvoline.

Valvoline. You can't drink just one.

Peggy what is this product. It tatses like Pete's hair smells

If you give a million monkeys a million typewriters, eventually they’ll eat your eyes right out of your head. That’s what Red Bull is like.

Anghkooey when a demon in a yellow suit convinced you to sacrifice your children to gain immortality?

Pepperidge Farm Anghkooeys

Coors Extra Gold. The beer that says what the fuck.

Valvoline: the motor oil with the taste of energy drinks. Or wait— is it the energy drink with the taste of motor oil?

Peggy get me Red Bull on the line to straighten this out

Taco Bell. Imagine a bell full of something we'll call 'meat.' Now imagine that bell is what's left of your intestines.

pfsure

Pfizer. The name you trust when you need to get pfucked up on pfills.

Campbell’s. The soup with the taste of cans.

Campbell. Not just a chinless twerp from Accounts. Now it’s a soup. Cream of whatever. Campbell’s. The soup with the taste of cans.

Inside you are two wolves. Both of them drive Hondas.

Taco Bell. You need a taco in the worst way, and that’s how we make ‘em.