me, opening my junk drawer: *sees 30 year cable charger that i haven’t used in 29 years*
also me: don’t throw it out you might need it
05.03.2026 20:55
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The Moon is up there all the time you know.
06.03.2026 05:44
👍 31
🔁 9
💬 4
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I once killed a man with one of my shitposts. That’s why I’ve been reluctant to get back in the game.
06.03.2026 05:51
👍 22
🔁 10
💬 1
📌 0
How I feel when someone blocks me.
06.03.2026 08:08
👍 7
🔁 1
💬 0
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Pretty glad I watched Fallout. I think it's prepped me for the future after a thermonuclear war.
Thinking I'll stay out of the vaults and be a ghoul. That seems like the right maneuver
04.03.2026 17:21
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wondering if a passport is required to relocate to pluto
04.03.2026 20:29
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🔁 32
💬 6
📌 0
Girlfriend said I was being immature. But I showed her.
Who has ALL of the Autobot action figures now, huh?
04.03.2026 22:54
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🔁 1
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Post a GIF that represents you best.
04.03.2026 22:51
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🔁 1
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I like to use my highly-collaborative cross functional team building skills for evil
04.03.2026 19:04
👍 28
🔁 10
💬 1
📌 0
i have a sneaking suspicion. i have regular suspicions too, but this one is pretty sneaky
04.03.2026 20:07
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If falling down when trying to put on my pants is a sign of how this day will progress, I should go back to bed now.
04.03.2026 13:14
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🔁 61
💬 5
📌 0
How I arrived on Bluesky
04.03.2026 03:47
👍 4
🔁 1
💬 0
📌 1
It me!
ME: *Sneezes* GET THE CRASH CART 🚑
03.03.2026 17:39
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💬 0
📌 0
I CANNOT JUST KEEP HIKING UP MY PANTS WHEN THINGS GO WRONG. IF I HIKE UP MY PANTS ANY FURTHER, I WILL BE DROWNING IN PANT.
03.03.2026 14:23
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🔁 64
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📌 1
I know this isn't the time for jokes, but also it is precisely the time for jokes
03.03.2026 05:31
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[3:12 am]
brain: hey wake up let's think about everything
me: what do you mean by everyth-
brain: I SAID EVERYTHING
03.03.2026 11:59
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I’m looting a Trader Joe’s as soon as this Armageddon thing picks up speed
03.03.2026 12:41
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📌 1
*punching the clock* fuck you clock
01.03.2026 19:22
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📌 2
the weirdest part of driving one of those dune sandworms around would be where do you park it
02.03.2026 12:13
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Hey, quick question, where the hell is Congress?
01.03.2026 21:48
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And we're just supposed to go to work like the world isn't burning.
02.03.2026 10:20
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Shut the fuck up the Sesame Street pinball number video is on
01.03.2026 16:29
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i think i’ll go dig a hole in my backyard and move into it
02.03.2026 00:39
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I agree 100% with the sentiment. But creating and sharing ai like this is manipulative, dishonest and destructive. We're better than this. They were better than this. Consider taking it down.
02.03.2026 08:24
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Your pets have joined a class action suit against you for posting their photos without consent.
02.03.2026 03:27
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My niece has to sell candy bars so her school band can afford new music stands, but obviously there's an unlimited budget for single-use kamikaze drones.
01.03.2026 15:54
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proposal: everything stop sucking for one day
28.02.2026 19:25
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Also: Immortan Joe
01.03.2026 03:44
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I'm so lonely I turned on notifications
28.02.2026 21:10
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