@joethedumber
He/Him Brooklyn-based writer and producer. Standard enjoyer, Pioneer mourner, Limited Attempter. Check out my funny stuff at Commander’s Herald! NYY / NYG / Bills because of my Dad / Gotham FC / Knicks / Liberty / Amber Glenn
“Because we, like all lawmakers, have absolutely no interest or incentive to work for the benefits of our constituents, we’ve got a lot of free time. We decided to use that to, for some reason, get really invested in the Magic meta in our county jails!”
9 Magic cards that made me, so they’re almost all lifegain cards
Could have just put all the Soul Sisters if I was honest with myself… 🌞
Three panel comic. Panel 1: people playing basketball in front of a crowd. The player with the ball is up against a guy playing close defense. Panel 2: the player attempts to spin off the defender by shoulder checking him, but the defender immediately falls apart, revealing multiple little green elves. Panel 3: the first player looks astounded at the floor. On it is a group of mildly injured elves surrounded by pieces of a human costume. This was pretty challenging to type out in text form but I tried my best
"If your blood doesn’t run hot, I will make it run in the sands! Execution awaits the dissenter. Diplomacy has solved nothing. Only bloodspill can end this now. Call forth the warbringer!”
What if you’re a consistent 0-2 drop?
This actually did happen, no joke
Mixing the Panera Charged Lemonade with some Sleepy Time Tea to make the arnold palmer the fuggin kills you.
So many hilarious people in here, and me too.
The only news you need just got more news per square inch! Check out our new news ticker!
“I don’t mean to bother you honey, but do you remember those Pokemon cards you bought as a kid?” began a hand-written letter a staff member received along with a print-out of a YouTube screenshot.
“We’ve done a lot of wild and wacky Universes Beyond sets lately, and we’re really excited to explore a world as old and varied as the ones found in Magic: The Gathering.”
I hope so! In the Venn Diagram of loving Magic, queer advocacy, and mental health awareness, you are both dead center. Also, she's funny as hell. Would be such a good conversation.
ilhan omar might be the bravest american in congress right now. solidarity to her forever, i wish she could be president
Alysa’s clearly her pack luck friend lmao. They opened a foil ink Zuko together too.
Amber Glenn excited about pulling a Bloom Tender and not realizing she also got a Bitterbloom Bearer. Whom amongst us.
Lorwyn Eclipsed! She posted it on her TikTok. She said she got so excited about a Bloom Tender that she didn’t notice she pulled a Bitterbloom Bearer too 🤣🤣🤣
Amber Glenn ripping Magic: The Gathering packs with Alysa Liu during the Olympics Closing Ceremony
Hahaha, Amber Glenn's ripping Magic packs with Alysa Liu during the Closing Ceremony.
Ain't no rules says a dog can't play magic
friend just said to me
"you have the perfect amount of religious trauma. bc like you don't HAVE to talk about it. people know."
Yes through years of pure dedication and will, I have become the Mystic of Feet
“I’ve never felt more welcome at my LGS, and I’ve developed quite a taste for confetti foils too! I love my Ygra deck, and this really lets me lean into the theme. I really hate the triple-sleevers though, their cards take forever to tear into, but it really does lock the freshness in!”
“Since the new policy rolled out, it’s been really nice to see more trans players coming out to FNM, though the local meta has gotten a lot more competitive. I 0-2 dropped this week. Again.” This is accurate.
“That’s what I’m f—ing talking about!”
Alysa Liu as she leaves the ice 🔥
STOP THE COUNT
Assist was so damn nice too
Amber Glenn gestures while skating.
From @theathletic.com: What a comeback from Amber Glenn. The American figure skater had a nearly flawless routine in her free skate after her disappointing women’s short program.
“What a brilliant, redemptive skate. She just fought so hard.”
nyti.ms/4arq55z
Spoiled earlier this week (and I do mean spoiled because something about it STINKS) was a new copy of Trouble in Pairs. After my initial excitement wore off, I couldn’t help but notice something odd about the new art.
"Alhamdulillah. Sacrifice Bottle Gnomes." is fucking art.
Priests hate this one cool trick
