kasumi

yea true i should keep doing my groceries on an empty stomach

^ hasn't eaten yet

goddamn bruh i'm so hungry WHYYYYYY

good thinking

thank you!!!

curry date with wife.... @yuiko911.bsky.social

i don't like being like this
i want to be normal already
i won't be able to sleep properly as well i suppose

life is laughing at me so much rn
fuck you

unfortunate
she proved my insecurities to be fully 100% right
gg

need to walk back home now
kinda lazy

walked for an hour and decided i will never be deserving of any love forever

i've suggested it multiple times, it's also just not the time for now
she's still studying and has a bit to go through still aka not enough money to move out obviously lol

and i don't have jack shit to move out right Now either, so i'm just gonna have to suck it up anyway

the only other place i'd have as motivation to move out is a small city near paris cuz that's where one of my gfs lives and ideally i'd invite her to move in with me but like

i don't even know if she gives a shit for all i could know

i'm sure i could live decently fine without ever hearing about them again since most of them live in smaller cities CLOSE to reims, but aren't there 24/7 at all
my mom is the only one living there and she barely gets out so

either way moving out ANYWHERE is not feasible before a bit (likely 2-3 years minimum at the current rate) unless i want to try sleeping in the street lol

but i genuinely don't even know where i'd move out tbh
i want to get out of reims to not hear about my family but idk it's cheap here

i probably am
i just don't know because i'm not a confident person by nature, and i'm stuck in my own city all by myself
so i just end up thinking i'm a hindrance

moving out to montpellier used to be a plan because i had lots of friends there
now i absolutely don't want to get there

they're busy 24/7 and it's the root of this whole issue at this point lmfao
i'm tired

it really is, yeah
i probably won't be happy until i leave my current house, but lol

i think i just don't have a place to be anymore, that's the thing
i've consistently lost trust with people over the past few months and i don't think i want to bother anymore

yeah, it's whatever
it's just the endless loop of my life of realizing i can't ever be happy for long enough

just ask me to get the fuck out if you're done with me but stop having me as a random step
no fucking shit i'm extra anxious about leaving and being clingy every time

BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE I WON'T EVER HAVE ANYTHING AGAIN

YAY!!!!!!!!!!

because in the grand scheme of things what the fuck does it matter when i complain about it every two weeks, gets sorted for maybe 2 days and then i get forgotten for a whole month
get cared about when i go see people irl for one day and then it's back to being a fucking hindrance in someone's life

nevermind i'm just chronically done and tired from feeling like i'm stuck in completely one-sided relationships all over the place and i snapped tonight

gg <3
it might be over for me lol

it's alright though
i think the stuff i've been reading through is making me feel weird things compared to usual
ikoku nikki is probably destroying my whole brain so far
2DK G-Pen has also been An Experience

i like reading stuff and relating to characters

but i also don't like it BECAUSE of that

i'm really just stupid

i don't necessarily feel Sad for once bc that's how i usually am in these days but man do i not know
i might just be confused
i don't really have anyone i can talk about this to regardless so

hard thinking day

it's not that i feel like i'm late compared to my peers, it's too late to care when it'll have soon be 2 years since i dropped out
but god do i want to be able to finally be happy, whether by myself, and with my girlfriends irl too

soon enough

it's getting closer though
hopefully i gain my independence by the time i'm 25, for once and for all

it's really puzzling to think about sometimes
what do i want to do
what do i want to act like
what do i want to be, at all
will i finally get to the point where all of these questions will get answered positively in my life?
24 years, i don't think it has happened before

happy bday!!