Mio & Elysia 🌹🌕

🌙 i feel that i've contributed to this, or at least planted a seed of which i am sure was not very helpful in the end

♾️ It is legitimately frustrating. There has been an ever increasing spiral of avoidance in our system lately

🌙 i know we don't post here much but we're pretty opposed to consolidating/folding up our individual accounts into one

i gotta stop procrastinating.

now i wish we had like a Roses system handbook of "how to use old technology we haven't in a while" bc to send this "global notice" will be an adventure. none of my headmates who were around during this time remember off the top of their head how to do oper stuff on IRC so ehhh.

as you would have guess, most have abandoned it for discord. one of the admins who basically abandoned the server a few years ago gave us the okay to shutdown everything, told me that i should prob go send a global notice on the server and give a timed heads up that we'd be taking the server offline

i've been tasked w/shutdown of some old Linode servers we run, one which has been hosting an IRC server + services for probably ~15 years now. as far as i understand it used to host some active rom hacking channels, prob for websites you are even familiar with.

🌙 yeah i’m not wild about the state of social media. trying to pursue new hobbies with ruby, tho this latest one will have some high consumable costs.. i suppose this is just how it is with physical crafts

"we still have time to figure things out."

yeah
maybe today we do. but we have been sick for more than 2 months. we've barely settled in here

we could have avoided a lot of this.... i just want to cry

like we have a *potential* freelance job that could pay off all the debt… well. if 60% of wouldn't get eaten by double tax. is that situation our fault? idk. we never asked to be born this way. but we *do* have an obligation to be responsible. it feels irresponsible for not completely planning this

but it changes nothing about the cash going out that has to come from cash on hand and not credit. i'm sorry but we have to suck it up. we have to eat our pride and start looking for that tech job and sit with it for a few years.

when we're 40 we can revisit all this again

i know we don't wanna work in tech anymore, but i see no other way. the only way we can get on top of expenses if we get a senior engineer salary. which sounds like an INSANE and privileged problem to have. it is absolutely on us for getting into this situation. yeah we can go convert a van

how can we get motivated to fix this? how can we rekindle that fire? every single day i am terrified

i often question what we are doing with our life. and it often feels like i am the only one who feels the sense of urgency. :/ i am terrified. forget about a plan B, we don't even have a plan A.

anyway, this is what happens when u blow through all your tech job savings by doing nearly nothing for 2 years & no solid plan for the future. seriously, how did we get here? like i know we were depressed & all & had severe executive dysfunction and were reccvering from decades of burnout, but still

due to the treaty between the two countries, you can claim the tax paid to one country as foreign tax credit in the other country. but you can't use that for self employment

people are struggling with WAY less. this is so embarrassing for us

which i think we need to do. with the amount of debt we're paying off, and the amount we're paying dad every month (our headmates say we aren't paying rent... but the amount is totally the cost of rent ..... in *LA*) and other expenses. sigh. how did we get ourselves into this situation

from my initial research, from what i understand, freelance is just straight up not viable. there's no way around the double tax with self employment. no matter where your income comes from. the only way, short of moving back to the US, would be to get a full time job again

🌙 i have more to say, but i've already said more than i should have on Public Social Media. so let's catch up fr some time.

🌙 it does not help that we've been sick for more than a month. it does not help we are subjected daily to our childhood traumas on steroids, second hand, back at home. it's debilitating to say the least

🌙 like sure. we aren't in immediate danger or anything, but nothing about what we are doing is at all remotely sustainable. and it's been that way since i've been here. can one truly blame me for being on edge, scared, frustrated?

something has to give and yet we seem to have all but lost our spark

come gaze under the stars with us~ ✨

the discover feed keeps rearing its ugly head back onto our home pins. please kindly go away

do you see the problem? pray tell, how am i supposed to use these headphones?

♾️ Our system is lacking discipline, leadership, something we've supposedly been good at when it comes to managing others' projects. And yet, here we are. 🙃

🌙 time is ticking before we absolutely run out of money again, or entirely screw our reputation beyond repair

♾️ All recent attempts to address this have ended in absolute failure.

♾️ What we could do to get past this current brick wall of motivation if we could funnel our passion into just finishing this last work project.