No one is as smug as a person who specialises in rocket science.

Roses are red
And I don’t want to ask it,
But please put the lotion
Into the basket

I smother my sushi in wasabi because fish that tastes this good should hurt

I just want to know where we’re going in this handbasket, as we’re heading down this highway that looks like it has been paved with good intentions?

I insisted that I always wear stilettos while I’m giving people highlights and this is the heel that I will dye on.

As it gets closer to Imbolc, it’s time for me to start working on my Midsommar body. I hope to fit into a size medium bear carcass by October.

A Labubu is what happens when you feed your Furby after midnight.

My toxic trait is assuming that everything will all work out simply because I’ve suffered enough.

Nearly as bad: the toast popping out of the toaster while you are watching the toaster

I've just come from the Reindeer King 🦌👑
He says "Your purity of soul: crystalline 💠.
You've got to get you back to you. 🧭
Get you back to you." 🧘‍♂️