Joel Veitch

Yeah it's lovely to have pretty eggs

Yeah there's definitely a song in that

There is a guy nearby who breeds rheas. I had a rhea egg, fried it in my big pan and it made a gigantic fried egg which I ate on my birthday. It was pretty awesome and the eggs are beautiful. I was slightly disappointed that the egg tasted just like a giant fried egg though.

Got to love a massive egg. We do have some bantams who lay little cutesy eggs though and I actually really like them too. I feel like there is room in the world for appreciation of all egg sizes.

Yeah that's right, they'll send your brain to another dimension.

We've also got an Araucana and a Rumpless Araucana who lay blue eggs, as well as the Heritage Skyline. Egg colour is one of the things we think about when recruiting new ladies.

I think the greeny ones are from our Heritage Skyline, who is a very pretty girl as well as having very pretty eggs.

It certainly is!

Our hens have been very busy laying lovely eggs.

that's what they want you to believe

I ordered a Persimmon tree but when it arrived it was a different variety from the one I wanted - still good, just not what I was after. They are going to send me the correct one, so FREE PERSIMMON TREE!

Pavlov's Dog - if you see a dog in act 1, it has to explode in act 3.

Found this lovely fluffy chonker snuffling about in one of my crocuses just now. Spring is here! Wheeeeee! There are buds starting to crack on my fruit trees, it's all coming back to life THANK GOD!

Wanging Webjoy Hard Up Your Eye Holes

Ah yes, back when the Web was still new and strange but was just beginning to take off in the popular consciousness. The Crab of Ineffable Wisdom, and the Spongmonkeys liked the Moon, and then they were in a national ad campaign and it felt like you were In On Something for having Known Them When. 😁

STEPKID: *begins laughing in incredulous horror*
ME: *wearily* They were incredibly popular. They did an ad for Quiznos.
STEPKID: If I saw that as a child I would be scarred for life.
ME: I’m just saying that it doesn’t have to be good to be amazing.

Attempted to explain the Spongmonkeys to Stepkid today. I had emphasized that they were crudely animated. I do not think I emphasized it enough.

Last year I dug up and divided a large patch of snowdrops that were growing behind some Blackthorn. I distributed them around the edge of my garden and forgot about them. They have come up and are flowering now and it was a lovely surprise. That's one of my favourite things about gardening.

I'm keen to try fizzy gravy

Oh, I've been looking for an excuse to buy a soda stream for ages. Maybe this is the one.

Hardcore till I die, brother

Don't milk shame me

Thank you for your support at this difficult time

I know you think the world has problems but I just put milk in my lemsip. Drank it anyway.

The missus has just used the word “seepage” in conversation and now I must post this Veitch masterpiece. It’s the law

Amazing! Look at the little blighter, happily chewing his way into your brain

Just scream your dread and horror into the night tonight at midnight. Assuming the scream is adequately filled with suffering, one of my CALaMari squids will home in on your location through the labyrinth of subterranean pipes which they infest and erupt from your toilet in the morning.

Buy my new self-care product CALaMari - the big squid you wrap snuggly around your shoulders. Nothing takes your mind off the struggle to pay the bills like the soft embrace of powerful tentacles while a cruel beak gnaws pitilessly through your skull.

When we started putting hundreds of enraged squids in the cockpits of our airliners, people asked if it was really a good idea. However, there really is no other way. They are angry at the best of times and airliner cockpits always enrage them.

pre-loved gucci handbag? genuinely i had never thought of that as a name. A good character-building set of middle names for a son, perhaps.