Thanks to everyone who was kind enough to help me out to get the car taken care of. I took it down already cuz I think I can drum up the rest for repairs and the hitler donation site detected goodwill toward man and unpublished my page. I'm so very thankful for you folks ;;
The roads are still crowded here from the large snow/ice banks from the snowstorm. Cars park on the street & assholes just fly down entire roads on the wrong side to avoid them, and a truck took a corner this morning right into my lane, so i swerved up a snow bank to avoid the head-on. Crunched down
“His phones ringing”
“Tell em there’s a Prince Albert buried down the fag’s throat and he’s a little busy”
That's what a WINNER smells like right there 💦
How your message finds him
Old com for @thatoneredpandafox.bsky.social
Squash means more time to get a good sniff in 💦 💦 💦
Old com for @royisourboy.bsky.social
Sized him up 🦊🌀🐺
What was he thinking
Gay horses?
Old warmup
🏒🧦 💦
2025 tried its hardest to be one of the roughest years for me, but I'm still doing what I can to bring things up to normal speed.
Merry Christmas to all the folks who celebrate! Got a lot to catch up on and post, but I hope you're all doing as good as you can, and that your holidays go smooth! This dog's at work today, but someone's gotta make sure Santa Paws' Christmas Trees are growing tall and strong for next year 🎄
When you were a kid and spent that whole summer day at a theme park/water park and tired yourself out so much that you could barely stay awake in the car ride home, then THAT sleep back in bed? Holyyyy >>>>>>>>
Every day is a race against the clock to shove as much things and productivity into your awake hours schedule before the demons from Ghost appear, dragging me unwillingly into a 4-5 hour slumber.
The part of your life where sleep feels like an earned rest and not wasted time must feel sooooooo good.
Thanks for all the kind words and everything, truly. Between driving and working nights, my brain's been wracked with wanting to draw, happy to get in what I've been able to. Writing letters to myself mentally, and tearing them up.
Dont worry, I got a new belt.
Thank you if you read all this, I'm sorry its taken so long. But appreciate your families, your loved ones, your found families, and the people you feel safe with month. Its gonna feel weird posting porn after this, but I've been working a bunch behind the scenes with a lot to post. Love you guys.
Its been such a weight that I felt the only way I could legitimize this hurt was by making art about it. I did. I wanted to explain all this in a comic or something, I still will someday, but the time is never right with my work schedule. I rather just be here and bare my chest.
Things have been easier since then. I dont know if its because he changed or I did, I still feel bad for what he did to me. I carried all this for months and had to pretend I was just going through normal nights and apologizing for slow art. My heads been fucked, the art I make certainly felt weird.
I wanted to yell at him, but he wasn't the guy I was angry at. I was angry at the man in the truck who knew exactly why he pissed me off. Who tried to kill both of us by driving off the road.
It was like I could see him clearly for the first time. Pathetic and ashamed, and a shell of that man.
I got other work. I prepped myself for him eventually confronting me to make amends. Id practice yelling at him while I did the dishes.
When the day came, he invited me over for lunch, pulled me aside, and gave me the apology equivalent of "I dont know what happened that night, I was too drunk."
I was scared to be a passenger in a car for months. My boyfriend would drive, my foot would try to slam through the floor of the car to brake. I didnt wanna leave the house. Escapism here didn't work. It all felt like I had a meteor coming right at me and I couldnt avoid it.
If anyone's familiar with the 12 steps, the last step is about making amends. So I knew my time would come eventually. I dreaded it. I hated him for it. I hated that he ruined a period of my life where I was finally experiencing some freedom and weightlessness from family baggage. Everything sucked.
After his rehab, he lost his license for a while. My free time became "he needs you to drive him around so he can eventually get his license back". Lawyer's appointments. Doctors. Anything. For months, just driving him around and nothing was mentioned about that night.
I was just on autopilot.
The cops were waiting back at my grandma's place. My sister panicked cuz I stopped responding, so she called them and they saw him pull in drunk. He was confrontational, but got away with it cuz he has a badge. They sent him to the hospital, no charges. He did rehab. My family was worried for him.
He apologized for everything I never brought up. All the issues I'd silently had with him. How he was a shit dad. And I was too shaken up and I didnt let him have that moment.
I said "You're being a SHIT DAD now." And that got him to turn around and go back home in drunken weepy defeat.
He hit garbage cans, swerved to hit cars and then would swerve away at the last second, reaching 60 in these tiny neighborhoods. He was crying, ignoring all my arguments and pleading, it was hell. He only stopped for one stop sign.
And at it, he had this small moment of reprieve from this episode.
I would try for the door and he'd yell at the top of his lungs
"WHAT? Dont think you're SAFE? Scared you're gonna die with me?"
And I was. I was terrified. Thinking of my boyfriend back at home who just assumed I left to go help my dramatic dad. I felt so sad thinking I'd not make it home to him.
It was as bad as I could have hoped, we were going 60 in residential areas. I was panicking, there was rarely a time where my dad wasn'y scary, even sober. And I felt like I'd just made the biggest mistake of my life trying to intervene and help him. I wanted to jump out of the truck but I couldnt.
The doors locked. He went silent, and I started to try to ask him what he was doing. Telling someone that drunk that they shouldn't drive, or to even communicate with me, felt impossible. He ignored me and grabbed my arm, keeping me in the truck, and the truck sped away with me and him in it.
