If you could just wait until April 16 I have some money coming in.
06.03.2026 15:52
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forgot my wallet at home your honor
06.03.2026 15:47
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But you can call me Ishmael.
06.03.2026 14:34
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Ear doctor: Don’t use Q-Tips
Me already imagining putting a screw driver I found in the driveway in my ear when I get home: I womt
06.03.2026 00:50
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AND he's been nominated to Markwayne Mullin's seat
05.03.2026 22:48
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The people want Massive Hole in Ground, Mr. President.
05.03.2026 22:46
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DENNIS
14.09.2024 22:40
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In death, everyone is Stan Chera.
05.03.2026 22:43
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you go up every day and try to hit singles but sometimes you barrel one up
05.03.2026 22:38
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mother f
05.03.2026 22:27
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in any event @bornmiserable.bsky.social's Trans Lives Matter tshirt is on the way here
05.03.2026 22:13
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So weird when something gets shipped by DHL in 2026. I feel like it's a bunch of taskrabbits handing my package off like an Olympic torch as it travels across the country.
05.03.2026 22:11
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lewandowski fired from dhs? more time for fuck plane.
05.03.2026 21:13
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05.03.2026 21:07
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until they rerecord the message shoe bombs are legal, though not encouraged
05.03.2026 20:03
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lemon is short for lemonjello, which is very normal where i am from, but i don't pretend it is generally normal.
05.03.2026 20:00
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sorry gotta disagree
05.03.2026 19:57
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it's like buying the Beetlejuice house. it comes with Beetlejuice. you have to handle him.
05.03.2026 18:58
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Markwayne is a pseudonym that comes from the word steamboat captains would traditionally call out when they needed a journalist bodyslammed down into the dregs of the Mississippi River.
05.03.2026 18:52
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DHS keeps the fuck plane. Lewandowski stays on it and he has to fuck. Markwayne's problem now.
05.03.2026 18:56
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holding that blanket tighter than ever
05.03.2026 18:53
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It is entirely consistent that a senile TV junkie approved the expense and no longer remembers doing so. But I bet you can name the person whose memory matters.
05.03.2026 18:51
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which one of you wished for her firing on the monkey paw. we told you *not* to use the monkey paw.
05.03.2026 18:48
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if you want to train for a race go to a velodrome. we didn't get cars out of the park to turn it into the Little 500.
05.03.2026 18:44
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OpenAI and…the United States Military…are teaming up to notify YOU that your son has been KILLED IN ACTION. Click here to speak with your son via AI one last time
05.03.2026 18:19
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lol amazing aesthetics
05.03.2026 16:00
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Don't listen. His voice is grating and every word is dumber than the one that preceeds it. I tapped out at "I'm too smart to read books."
05.03.2026 15:55
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"O-M-A-N? "Oh man" that's what you sound like actually hahaha. Anyway, we can't help."
05.03.2026 15:25
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*ding*
05.03.2026 04:48
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lol
05.03.2026 04:48
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