Jeff Drake

ok ill bite, whats oil

It surprises me how much I enjoy the WBC. Maybe it’s because so much else that’s happening is so awful? Might have something to do with it.

The inspiration for the Simpsons episode where Homer eats the hot chili pepper?

Earlier I implied that I escorted yo' momma through the Strait of Hormuz. I apologize for the misinformation. Yo' momma's too fat for such a narrow passageway and whatnot.

sometimes, if you’re up early enough, you can hear them turn the birds on

Finally something positive happens for that guy!

I don’t want to see more Americans lose their lives in this war.

A brown penguin chick of some kind. It looks very much like a man in a suit. It is bedraggled and miserable

Made it to Friday but at what cost

That’s how slurs are! So pushy and aggressive!

Years ago, I said “Fuck A-Rod.” Today, I have even more reasons to keep saying it.

The Ron Howard narrator voice is getting a WORKOUT these days.

Which OBVIOUSLY means that it’s been nearly a week since it ended definitively and decisively.

A general came up to me. Big man. Strong man. Tears in his eyes. And he said, “Sir, you’ve started a beautiful war. The most perfect, most beautiful war I’ve ever seen. Thank you, sir.”

Good morning! Yes, this is he

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

The glee with which this fucking monster talks about murdering people is truly gross.

So…on one side of the Pyrenees is Spain and on the other side is Russia?

The rash on his neck? Also from too much handshaking.

It’s automatically a great sentence because it has Shamwow in it twice.

$1000 to the first journalist who asks, “Isn’t it easier to release all the Epstein Files than to start World War III?”

things every single republican president of your lifetime has done

- started a war in the middle east
- completely destroyed the economy

Operation Epic Fuckery, though many people use the shortened form.

“Khamenei, one of the most evil people in History…whom yesterday I had never heard of…is dead.”

Every day is filled with moments that it could happen.

Hundreds of them.

And one day, it will.

Maybe it’ll be tonight!

No one becomes a billionaire without exploiting someone (usually a LOT of someones) along the way. You cannot “earn” a billion dollars. You can only steal it.

“Get your shit together and get into the actual fight. You can’t hide forever.”

Absolutely.