Paul Hennell

The Trump administration - all shoe, no foot.

“He does what?”
“He likes to guess their shoe size and orders it for them.”
“And they don’t fit?”
“No, he’s comically wrong. Like, every time.”
“And they wear them anyway?”
“Yeah. See, that’s how you know how sycophantic they are. It’s symbolism.”
(beat)
“Eh. We can’t do that. It’s too on the nose.”

Someone on Reddit earlier asserted "Tom Wrigglesworth's Hang ups" was written and performed by Mark Watson and honestly that's been in my head all day.

Trump could basically say this about everything but Epstein's island.

Do I need to have seen the previous 2048?

Will people defeat the depressing loneliness of modern life with.. a chat bot?

I think I'd make a really good sleeper agent, as long as I could delegate the woken up parts.

A bin with a sign saying litter and dog waste. A bike frame with no wheels has been put in front of it

Litter, Dog waste, bikes

"herding my cats not hard" says taxidermist

Best of luck to you 🤞

My mum is telling me about a Miss Marple she watched earlier. She can't remember the name of it but started her plot description as "well they found a body in the library..."

"What do we want?"
"A compilation album!"
"What shall we call it?"
"Now!"

Halfway through trying to flip the door on a new fridge and wondering if it would be easier to just flip the kitchen 🙄

We both found it funny, she said she'd find another way hung up again. 1 min later I got a text telling me "a lovely guy has found your phone in the park..." 🤣

(Eventually the phone was returned!)

I once found a teens phone in the park. Their mum called trying to get hold of them so I said I'd found it in the park, could anyone come fetch it? They thanked me, then hung up, only to call again 30 seconds later to tell their kid to come get the phone.

Dentists return £900m after failing to see NHS patients Sum represents £1 out of every £7 they have been given by NHS as dentists opt to chase private work.

I don't understand how dentists refusing NHS patients can look at themselves in their tiny little mirror.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

All this time I thought World Book Day was just about the Atlas

Tesco express staff can only communicate through expressive dance

If you're relying on Ai enough you need to add a emergency contact, I think we're already beyond "possible" mental health issue.

Princess Anne's House of Reins
#replacingRichard

King Charles Phillip Arthur George's House of Names
#replacingRichard

Think of all the time to kill you'd have if you were a newsrooms official peace correspondent.

Sort your life out Tom! Who doesn't have multiple cables just everywhere?
Or multiple books everywhere tbh. Probably better to avoid multiple wives as a solution though.

"No one expects...the Spanish prohibition!!"

More importantly should my potato smell like a cat?

Andrew Mountbatten Windsor's House of Shames
#replacingRichard

Harry Houdini's House of Chains
#replacingRichard

Sandi Toksvig's House of Danes
#replacingRichard

Joe Wicks House of Gains
#replacingRichard