BREAKING: JD Vance is reportedly pissed the Iran war is spiraling out of control, and his 2028 presidential campaign is "getting bombed worse than Tehran."
07.03.2026 06:21
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BREAKING: JD Vance is reportedly pissed the Iran war is spiraling out of control, and his 2028 presidential campaign is "getting bombed worse than Tehran."
BREAKING: White House insiders say Trump is extremely paranoid and accusing JD Vance and Pam Bondi of conspiring against him by releasing the Epstein Files that involve his rape accusations, and he’s vowing to destroy Vance’s presidency if he’s forced out.
BREAKING: Iranian officials have reportedly told the White House they'd prefer to negotiate a ceasefire with JD Vance instead of Trump considering Trump's Epstein File rape accusations are leaking out, and Iran's stockpile of drones will likely last longer than his presidency.
BREAKING: The Gulf States are reportedly threatening to withdraw all their money from Trump's crypto coin and ruin him financially if he doesn't stop the war before Iran bombs their desalination plants.
NOT SATIRE: Any Democrat who votes for Trump's Iran war via either some form of Congressional authorization or some new, massive military funding bill is committing political suicide. This will be a worse vote than the vote for Iraq, which continues to haunt Democrats to this day.
BREAKING: JD Vance is reportedly worrying liberals might be right about Trump being owned by Putin after sitting in on several briefings about Russia giving Iran intelligence on US targets to bomb, and watching Trump refuse to say or do anything about it.
BREAKING: A new poll found that 81% of Americans believe Pam Bondi will be going to both prison and hell.
BREAKING: A man in Vermont has reportedly earned $1.6 million over the last two years betting on all the prediction markets that J6 insurrectionists pardoned by Donald Trump would get sentenced back to prison for domestic violence and possession of child porn.
BREAKING: Every time Trump calls the Iranian government to negotiate a ceasefire because the US is using up all its extremely expensive missiles on Iran's very cheap drones, the Iranians put the phone next to a computer speaker playing the Melania documentary until he hangs up.
BREAKING: Markwayne Mullin, during his inspection of the DHS plane, reportedly just found a naked Corey Lewandowski in the bed of the private bedroom, and Corey whispered to him, "I'll keep all your blankets safe."
BREAKING: Iranian clerics just announced a fatwa against Trump's ballroom.
BREAKING: Stephen Miller reportedly sent Markwayne Mullin, the brand new DHS Secretary Trump just picked to replace Kristi Noem, a box full of dead rats and cockroaches as a warning and threat that he's the one really in charge of all immigration policy.
BREAKING: A new poll found that 93% of Americans think Israel should pay for the US to have universal healthcare since all our money for 25 years has gone to waging wars against Israel’s enemies.
BREAKING: MAGA Republicans just pulled off their 5th ideological flip-flop so far this month by suddenly turning pro-Ukraine now that Trump depends on Ukraine's drone tech to keep from wasting our entire stockpile of expensive missiles on shooting down super cheap Iranian drones.
BREAKING: The Saudis and Emiratis are reportedly threatening to withdraw all the bribes they’ve invested in Trump's shell companies and the $2 billion+ they’re letting Jared Kushner "manage" if the Iran war spins out of control and Iran bombs their oil and desalination plants.
BREAKING: Israel is reportedly thinking about releasing the Trumpstein Files even though Trump started their Iran War for them "just to stir the pot."
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly pissed at Netanyahu because the Iran bombings were supposed to last only 3 days and now it’s turning into a ground invasion that’s distracting him from hosting parties at Mar-a-Lago, planning his ballroom, and grifting MAGA fans.
BREAKING: The Law & Order franchise is reportedly planning to produce a new show called "Law & Order: DOJ" that depicts investigators and prosecutors taking down an international cabal of sex-trafficking pedophiles that includes the President of the United States.
BREAKING: Mike Johnson reportedly fears that the Republicans who lost their primaries because Trump wouldn't endorse them will stop showing up for votes, and then Democrats will have a functional majority, replace Johnson with Jeffries, and unredact all the "Trumpstein Files."
BREAKING: A top GOP official says the party is panicking about how many House members are losing their primaries, "We're on track to have 15 lame ducks who can suddenly vote their conscience instead of the party line on Epstein, Iran, and government oversight—Trump is f*cked!"
BREAKING: President Zelensky says he’ll agree to send the US all of Ukraine's high-tech drone defense technology if JD Vance comes to Kiev wearing a suit and apologizes in person, brings along a deck of cards as a gift, and says “thank you” to the Ukrainian people.
BREAKING: Trump is reportedly pissed that super cheap Iranian drones are draining US supplies of very expensive missiles because now he, ironically, has to send JD Vance to Kiev to beg Zelensky for drone assistance, and he hopes Zelensky won't be as bitchy as he and Vance were.
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly worried all the Republican House members who just lost their primaries and now have nothing to lose will join Thomas Massie in voting to force the DOJ to reveal all the Epstein Files that incriminate him.
BREAKING: A famously homophobic televangelist from Georgia says he's so certain Donald Trump's war in Iran will bring about the Apocalypse and then Rapture him and his congregation up to Heaven that he's vowing if he's still on Earth by Friday he'll give blowjobs to 1,000 men.
BREAKING: JD Vance is reportedly telling people that Trump's lack of any strategy for this unprovoked war in Iran means his 2028 presidential campaign is over before it started.
BREAKING: Pete Hegseth has reportedly locked himself in his office and is telling staffers he can't come out and answer the media's questions about the war's objectives, rising US casualties, or bombed bases until he finishes 1,776 pushups to ensure the military doesn't turn gay.
BREAKING: The rash on Trump’s neck is reportedly from Netanyahu choking him out in their meeting until Trump agreed to bomb Iran.
