They-Whom'st've-Never-Logged-Out

I keep a gun in my kitchen so that if my souffle ever deflates I can kill my self

If Poseidon and Lucifer spooned that would place a god between the devil and the deep blue sea

you really wanna say that to me here? on the hill I’ve chosen to die on?

Nnggghhh

In my bathroom you can catch me stoned in the shower listening to black metal that immediately transitions to gospel. I'm talking behemoth straight to casting crowns

Flamin hot cheetos got me shootin ropes

A stained glassstyle illustration of an anthropomorphic opossum character in red and black clothing, posed in front of a large clock with gears and Roman numerals.

The Abstract Resilience of Time.

#art / #furry / #furryart / #opossum / #stainedglass / #thechrononauts

The sacred light of the device brings us all together again

A penis is just a long butt. We all know this, and quite frankly trying to dispute it would be a fools endeavor! *laughs haughtily, yet secretly looks worried*

at the airport i always take the first suitcase that comes out of the carousel. i ain't waiting for all that.

Nephew is selling pest control services door to door so he's paying me ten bucks a day to wander neighborhoods shirtless covered in bulbous gray ticks screaming "MY BLOOD! MY MIXED-RACE BLOOD! PARASITE NECTAR! YOU'RE NEXT!" and it's the most job satisfaction I've had in years.

A dinosaur bit me on the ass!

I have an idea out of morbid curiosity to make orange chicken meatballs. Those weird potluck BBQ sauce and grape jelly meatballs in a crock pot somehow work, so why not Panda Express orange chicken sauce

Me when im trying to steal an Elder Scroll from the Imperial Library but I’m dummy thicc and the clap of my ass cheeks keeps alerting the moth priests

Oblivion Dark Brotherhood fellow with a scrumptious posterior with the caption "Everyone is so mean 2 me"

How I feel rn

Sorry to boost again but Dami still hasn’t been able to get their medicine and is contemplating going to the ER for the chest pains which they definitely can’t afford.

Outdoor fruit stand with huge pyramid of oranges and tall round banana display.

they’re just begging for a car chase

I have no need for the steam machine because I turned my PC into one however I am intrigued by the new steam controller

Get stunlocked idiot. You’re never getting up from the dragon tooth R2. This is basically over

Ah fuck! Luckily I was trained by the poise bois and absolutely tank this move

I can parry this move easily

I was told it’s a “red cloudberry” which i had never heard of

Nonstop Spider-Man

I have literally never heard of that in my life lmao

I genuinely don’t know what the puffy orange one is supposed to be

Before a pitmaster can ascend to BBQ godhood, they have one final challenge. The pitmaster must smoke their own ribs. As they clutch to life, in shock and bleeding out, their low and slow tenderness is expertly cooked. If they can survive to taste the ultimate BBQ, the pitmaster transcends

Bleeding out all over my new snow white shag carpet